Chatting with Lee

Visit the blog at chatwithlee.wordpress.com

2007-08-20T10:18:00.001-07:00

http://www.chatwithlee.wordpress.com/

Mommy, What Color Am I?

2007-08-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

With the increase of interracial couples, it makes sense that there has been a sharp increase in the number of bi-racial children. (See entries on Black Enough? and Jungle Fever)

Two consenting adults have made a decision to be together, and to love each other despite the personal and societal difficulties. However, by having children, they have also decided (whether actively or passively) to expose their innocent children to a very unique set of challenges.

One of the major challenges is the idea of identity. Yes--all children ask the "Who am I?" question at some point in their lives, but for a bi-racial child, the question takes on additional complexity. "I'm not Black, I'm not White, I'm not Chinese, I'm not Mexican, etc."

Living in a society that simply wants to label and categorize people doesn't help, either. Some of the terms that are used to describe bi-racial individuals are not exactly flattering: Mixed, Half-breeds, Oreos.

What counsel would you give to the parents of bi-racial children? How would you address the issue of identity?

(I'd like to recommend a good book that deals with this issue directly, The Color of Water by James McBride.)

The Picture of Success

2007-08-15T06:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, in response to the posting, Jungle Fever, Antoinette made the comment,

The second statement--made indirectly to our black girls--is that you are not present in the "picture" of success! Not only does society make it tough for you (Black females) to get there on your own, but when you look at what success looks like, there are very few black female faces.

That phrase, the PICTURE OF SUCCESS, caught my attention. Here's why...

Vision is so important. There's a verse in the Bible that states, "where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint." In other words, if I don't see life better for myself in the future, then it really doesn't matter what I do now. I don't need to make investments in my future because, no matter what I do, life isn't going to get any better for me.

In my opinion, there are three primary groups that help us create our vision: our faith community, our family and friends, and the media.

Unfortunately, much of what we embrace as the picture of success is shaped by the media. And when that is the case, Antoinette is right--there aren't a lot of Black female faces in those pictures.

Nevertheless, I am still on strong believer that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for what you accept as true. As adults, we can't continue to blame anyone else for the "realities" that we embrace.

In fact, you have the ability to create your own picture of success, and ensure that YOU are securely positioned in that picture.

Jungle Fever

2007-08-14T06:22:00.000-07:00

In one of the comments on the entry Black Enough, the question was asked,

"Why do so MANY black successful men marry WHITE WOMEN?"

Interestingly enough, just a few days ago, I met an African-American medical doctor who was shopping with his daughter. It was very clear that his daughter was the product of a bi-racial union.

In other words, "a White woman got another one of the good Black men."

Have you ever heard this statement? Whether it's athletes, entertainers, or corporate executives, seeing "successful" Black men with White women seems to leave a bad taste in people's mouths.

So I've got two questions today:

1. As the commenter asked, "Why do so many successful Black men marry White women?", and

2. Why is it such a problem?

Black Enough?

2007-08-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

At a recent debate, Senator Barack Obama was asked if he was "authentically Black enough".

Without any introductory comments, let me ask...

What does it mean to be Black? And how "Black" do you have to be to be "Black enough"?

Wanted: Winners

2007-08-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

There's an old expression that states, "you are known by the company you keep."

The people that comprise your "community" speak a lot about who YOU are. Of all the people in the world, these are the individuals that you have chosen--whether actively or passively--to associate with.

Let me be clear before you jump to conclusions...I don't believe that any one person has more value than any other person. Nobody's life is worth more than anyone else's. And finally, I believe we all have the responsibility of loving our fellow human beings.

Having said that...I hate being around losers!

(I see that got your attention.)

Let me share my definition of a loser: a person who has accepted, and possibly even embraced, a state or condition that is beneath their ability, potential and/or destiny.

I'm not talking about people who can't do better. I'm talking about people who have CHOSEN not to do better!

I am looking to work with, live with, play with, and pray with, individuals who want better for their lives--and are willing to do what it takes to make it happen.

Is it in you?

Casting Call

2007-08-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

I just recieved an interesting email from a friend. It contained the following questions:

If a movie were to be made about your life...

Who (name of actor/actress) would portray you?

Who would portray your spouse/"significant other"?

Who would portray your best friend?

I am really curious to hear your responses on this one!

Good Medicine

2007-08-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

I am driven to live a meaningful, purpose-driven life. In order to do this, I realize that self-discipline is necessary. Too often, Comfort and Procrastination have kept me from aggressively moving forward in my pursuits. But clearly, with these two forces at play, it is impossible to live an abundant life. As Frederick Douglas taught us, where there is no struggle, there can be no progress.

With all that said, there still needs to be balance. I have found that IN ADDITION TO drive, and hunger, and discipline, THERE ALSO NEEDS TO BE peace, and laughter, and a cheerful heart.

A cheerful heart is good medicine. Laughter and fun are as important to our health as persistence and discipline.

Pick up a funny movie, go to a comedy show, or just look in the mirror for a few minutes. But cheer up and laugh a little! You’ll feel a whole lot better.

Have Lunch with God

2007-07-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

Good Morning family. My friend and co-worker, Crystal, has the pen today. This entry is from an experience she had yesterday. Share your thoughts...

Hey Guys,

I thought I would take a minute to tell you about my Lunch break today.

This morning, I was stressing myself out about things that I don't have any control over. Worry became the center of my attention and I was becoming unproductive at work. I was actually starting to feel physically sick, growing weary, and was losing my faith by the minute!

I usually don't take a lunch break, but I knew today that I would not make it through the day if I did not get away from my desk. So I decided to go out for lunch.

I got in the car and called my fiance' to vent to him. He said all the right things and did not want to join my pity party. Second, I called my Mother. Again, she said all the right things and did not want to join my pity party. The devil was growing stronger and I just figured they didn't understand where I was coming from! But little did I know that God was using them as messengers to tell me that everything would be all right.

When I was left with no one but myself, God decided to have lunch with me! Boy, did I feel blessed! He spoke right to my heart and gave me a renewed sense of calm, understanding, and most important - a renewed faith! He also explained to me that what I was worrying about is actually a blessing and the devil was trying to steal it from me!

By the time I got back to work, I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of my chest. And the Holy Spirit told me to share this with the people I care about.

~ Our God is an Awesome God and You can accomplish anything with Faith. ~

Where are you?

2007-07-25T10:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming? Your body is physically in a certain place, but your mind is clearly somewhere else.

Possibly, you were thinking of some problem in your life. Or maybe, you were imagining spending time with a loved one. You may have even been remembering an event that happened, not just in a different place, but at a different point in time.

What amazes me is that those thoughts can actually evoke emotions. I can be in a quiet work environment, but if my mind wanders to a funny experience I've had, then I may burst out with laughter...despite my current locale.

With that said, I guess it is possible to THINK ABOVE MY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Here's what I mean: I mean be here, but my mind can be anywhere I want it to be.

In fact, I'm starting to believe that unless my mind goes places, then my body will remain stuck in its current state. (Some people call this vision.)

Keep your mind free. You'll be amazed at where it can take you!

Frustrated

2007-07-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time, but the muses have returned...

Frustration is an amazing thing. It causes some people to pack it in, and quit. For others, high levels of frustration serve as an impetus for change and adjustment.

I believe that the difference between the two groups of people is their level of hope. Where there is no hope, frustration prevails, and the individual resigns him/herself to being a victim. However, for those that have hope, those that believe tomorrow can be a better day, frustration is not a killer—it is a motivator!

I actually believe that God intentionally frustrates our lives. I believe that, at times, God manipulates circumstances in our lives to make sure that we never get too comfortable in any condition. See, there’s a natural tendency among humans to allow comfort to keep us from moving forward, to keep us from becoming the vessel we were destined to be. When things start getting too comfortable, it seems as though God "stirs the pot".

Don’t let frustration make you quit. If necessary, make the proper adjustments and allow your frustration to push you into your destiny.

Keep Hope Alive!

So much to Say

2007-07-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've posted to the blog. A lot has transpired, and fortunately--a lot has changed for the better.

Stay tuned, I'll be sharing some pretty heavy stuff real soon.

Thanks for checking in.

Online Auction: Penn State Football Legends

2007-04-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

As an extension of our silent auction at the Blue-White Scholarship Breakfast, we have a number of items up for auction online.

Click Here to visit the view the items.

Our Drug Problem

2007-04-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

I think you'll enjoy this. If it is true, then my parents were some serious "drug" dealers.

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"

I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young:

I was drug to church on Sunday morning and I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flowerbeds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.

~author unknown~

Enjoy your holiday weekend!

See Ya!

2007-03-26T21:04:00.000-07:00

In response to my posting on Decisions, anonymous dropped the following comment,

"I finally realize I married the wrong person. I made my decision off of
romance (Fantasy). Reality is coming to light and now I realize I have
become what I am supposed to be and my spouse is mad cause we can't live in Wonderland anymore. I can't satisfy my spouse's emotions nor her dreams. What can I do to get out of this bad decision? everyone in the real world says
she is killing me and my family. "

It sounds like someone else is trying to end a marriage.

I am becoming extremely disturbed by the number of marriages I see ending in separation and divorce. I don't have the time to research the statistics, but I don't think we need the statistics. Each one of us can just look around at our own personal network of friends and family and see examples.

Let me say this: I've been married 12 years now, and not one of those years has gone by that where I didn't want to pack my bags and roll out. And I'm sure my wife would say the same. I think any honest husband or wife would admit that such a sentiment comes up every now and then.

Marriage is tough. So tough that you'll wanted to quit and say, "It's just not worth it!" Marriage is arguably the most difficult of all human relationships. It's not just about fantasy and romance. It's about commitment and sacrifice...and endurance.

So yes, I am a strong proponent of whatever it takes to make our marriages work. No, I don't think anyone should remain in abusive relationships, but I think, as a culture, we've gotten real soft as to what we call abuse.

Find a way to make it work so that both parties are excited again about the relationship. We owe it to ourselves, our children, our communities to make our marriages work.

Fasting

2007-03-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

Every year around this time, Christians engage in the practice of fasting in observation of the Lent Season**. The purpose of denying one's physical needs is to help recognize and address one's deeper spiritual needs.

Fasting is not a practice unique to Christians. For example, Muslims throughout the world fast during the month of Ramadan. In the Jewish faith, on Yom Kippur, considered to be the most important day of the Jewish year, fasting is mandatory for everyone of age.

It's not about dieting...it's really about mindfulness. By restraining oneself from normal daily activities (eating, watching TV, surfing the Web), the person frees him/herself to think about--and communicate with--God.

What are you thoughts on the practice of fasting? Have you, or do you, engage in fasting? If so, was it an effective exercise?

**Lent is the forty-day season of preparation for the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The season begins on Ash Wednesday and ends on Easter Sunday. Sundays in this season are not counted among the days of Lent. The traditional reason for this is that fasting was considered inappropriate on Sunday, the day commemorating the Resurrection of Jesus.

Decisions, Decisions

2007-03-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

I was reminded recently of my inability to make decisions.

Whenever I'm criticized, I do some introspection to see how true the criticism is, and what adjustments I need to make to address the potential issue.

In this case, I started my examination with a visit to the dictionary. Here's what I found regarding the word "decide"...

To decide is to make a final choice or judgment about, or to select as a course of action.

The etymology for this word is important. The word derives from the Latin decidere, which literally means "to cut off" (de- + caedere: to cut).

If I'm getting this right, to decide is to select one course of action, and in doing so, cut off all other options.

Maybe that's my problem: I like having options! I like choices! Good decision-makers, however, are able to cut off less desirable options in favor of the one they feel is best.

My dad would often say, "You can't have (save) your cake and eat it, too." In other words, either you eat it now and enjoy it, or save it to enjoy later. You can't do both, so make a decision!

I guess I've got to get better at cutting the options that aren't the best option.

Are you a good decision-maker?

Purpose and Eternity

2007-03-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

With all the junk that gets transmitted via email (like Sinbad dying), rarely do I come across one that I feel comfortable sharing with you all. Here is one...

This is an incredible interview with Rick Warren, "Purpose Driven Life", author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California. His wife now has cancer, and he now has "wealth" from the book sales.

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:

People ask me, what is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body--but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.

God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain.? But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72. First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)? When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.

That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

What's Your Excuse?

2007-03-01T06:53:00.000-08:00

This thought came to me last night in prayer.

Why haven't I gone back to get my master's degree? Why haven't I gotten control over my eating habits? Why does the balance in my savings account look the same as it did last year?

What's my excuse?

Being the intelligent person that I am, I probably have some pretty good excuses...

"The timing isn't right." "It's not my season." "I've been focusing on a number of other CRITICAL issues." (Any of these sound familiar?)

My cousin once told me that, "Excuses are the tools of the incompetent!"

I realize that some things take time. And I also realize that there are only 24 hours in a day.

But I also realize that excuses won't get you any closer to your goals and dreams.

So, stop making excuses and start taking action!

Black Hair

2007-02-23T06:12:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Dwayne, for passing this along.

Please share your thoughts and have a great weekend!

School Daze

2007-02-20T07:02:00.000-08:00

How would your life be different if you did, or did not, go to college?

We are in the process of planning our 8th annual trip to Penn State for the Blue-White Football game and Scholarship Breakfast (see recent article). The purpose of the trip is to provide exposure to a group of young men that might not otherwise get exposed to a college environment.

Already we are seeing results. A number of the young men that have participated in years past, are now enrolled in various colleges. Others are being recruited, or have received scholarships to play football in college. We also have parents telling us that their children's attitude--and performance--have improved since they went on the trip.

It is our belief that higher education--whether it's college, trade school, technical training, etc--can be a life-changing experience.

I'm just curious...how do you think your life would be different if you did, or did not, have an higher education experience?

Destroyed Foundations

2007-02-14T07:24:00.000-08:00

Bishop Rubin is at the mic today. Don't forget to check out Bishop Rubin's website of daily inspirations, www.morningreflections.org.

Yesterday I led a discussion regarding “gang violence” with a number of mature college students at the Brookdale campus in Asbury Park, New Jersey. This small community, located near the Jersey Shore, has tasted the tragic results of gang violence again and again. It is a topic of great importance to those that reside there. Endeavoring to understand why young people align themselves to gangs and participate in violent acts, we came up with many valid reasons: a need for approval, seeking for love, a fear of repercussions. All excellent observations but I'm not sure that we got down to the root cause.

I refer you to a passage of scripture recorded in Psalm 11. Verse 3 states, “ If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?" Our foundations have been destroyed. Our communities are no longer places where children are brought up in church, or where Godly values are instilled into their spirit. Values such as family, respect for others, integrity are not instilled into our children and the results are tragic. We now not only have youth searching to belong finding love in gangs but there are no constraints on their behavior. Violence is not only tolerated, but is an accepted lifestyle.

What can the righteous do? Unless we return to the foundations of God and Godly values, there is no success on the horizon. I suggest the need to reach out to the youth, especially the young parents, providing them with Godly love and assistance in developing strong families and healthy values. We must provide alternatives to a lifestyle of violence. A generation awaits and we cannot ignore their cries for help. We must return to the “foundations”.

Gangs

2007-02-13T06:58:00.000-08:00

My father, Bishop Fred Rubin, is doing a presentation today on the subject of gangs. In our discussion of the subject, he asked a question, "With the same fundamental issues prevalent 30 years ago (broken homes, economic strain, racial marginalization), why does gang involvement appear to be more prevalent today than in the '60s and '70s?"

Here's what I think I understand:

Individuals join gangs for a sense of belonging. When they don't have anything meaningful to belong to, like a family or a sports team or a music group, they seek those bonds in other places--even if the group is negative.

Gangs have an economic component. Gangs today aren't just a group of bullies on the street, stealing lunch money. Often, these gangs represent organized financial machines that specialize in the production and distribution of "illegal pharmaceuticals".

Failure to participate could be dangerous--if not fatal. It's not easy to "just say no". It's not always easy to stand up and be different when the threat of getting shot is a real possibility. So even if you don't want to join, you're afraid not to.

But there's still a whole lot I don't understand:

Why are so many of our young men, and young women, joining these gangs?

As many as can, PLEASE ADD YOUR COMMENTS! Even if you post anonymously, I'd love to get your thoughts on this one.

Self-Control

2007-02-12T07:22:00.000-08:00

I had a conversation recently with a sports psychologist. Of the many 'nuggets' that she shared during this discussion, there is one that really stands out.

She said, "Self-control is true power."

Wow!

Most of have a concept of power that deals with the authority or influence a person has OVER OTHER PEOPLE. But the truth is that REAL POWER lies in the ability to control YOURSELF!

Many of us, including myself, spend a lot of energy trying to manipulate (or control) our circumstances and/or other people. I am encouraged to spend more time and effort controlling ME. My attitude, my perspective, my effort, my focus.

There is a proverb that states, "He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city."

The Paper will Follow the Purpose

2007-02-07T06:45:00.000-08:00

I'm not finished with this discussion of Purpose yet. (see yesterday's entry and comments)

Here's what I've learned: Paper (money) follows Purpose.

The Community Refuge Education and Recreation Center (CRERC) takes a busload of young men up to Penn State each year for the "Blue-White Game", the football team's annual intra-squad scrimmage (click here for more info). Many of these young men come from single-parent homes. Most of them come from families that don't have the means to send their children on weekend college trips. So, the cost of the trip is covered by grants and donations.

My buddy, Dwayne, and I have been coordinating these trips for more than seven years now. And our intent, from Day 1, was to give these young men exposure to a college environment--an environment that many of them would never see otherwise.

Neither of us have ever looked to make a dime, let alone get rich, from this venture. We simply wanted to help these young men see something different.

Well, to make a long story short, someone who saw what we were doing, and felt connected to the PURPOSE of our efforts, made a significant financial contribution to our efforts. These funds will allow us to provide scholarship money for these young men as they go on to college.

Here's my point...if we wrote a proposal for that money based on what we PLANNED TO DO, I doubt that we ever would have gotten it. But because WE FUNCTIONED IN PURPOSE--even with limited time and resources, the money came to us -- unsolicited.

Identify your purpose. Function in it to the BEST OF YOUR ABILITY. The paper will follow.

(I know this is getting to be rather long, but I must say this: Don't seek to be rich by using your gifts and talents. It is in our pursuit of wealth that we abuse our gifts, ourselves, and possibly other people. Seek to be an asset and a blessing to others, and the Creator that gifted you will more than provide for you.)

Purpose and Paper

2007-02-06T06:51:00.000-08:00

No cute introductions today...I'll get right to the point.

Each human being on this planet has been given specific gifts and talents by our Creator . The intent was for us to identify these gifts and put those gifts into practice at the highest possible level. In other words, we all have a purpose, and that purpose coincides with our unique gifts and abilities.

However, most of us spend the largest portions of our lives engaged in activities that are not Purpose-driven, but paper(money)-driven!

We don't labor to share our gifts with the rest of humanity. Rather, we spend our precious time and energy working for a check to pay our bills, and impress "the Joneses".

I am coming closer and closer to the conclusion that we've got it all backwards. We spend our lives working with no passion, no creativity at a job whose only value is a paycheck. While at the same time, we neglect our God-given gifts.

And I actually believe that if we ever get the courage to work in our purpose, the paper will follow!

Fired...for Getting the Team Fired Up

2007-02-02T10:58:00.001-08:00

A high school basketball coach in Maine was fired recently for delivering an inappropriate pep talk before his team's game.

Essentially, he told them that their game was a test of their "manhood", and instructed them to reach into their shorts and check their manhood.

Click here to read the article.

As a former athlete, I've heard quite a few "pep talks" in my day. And I have to be honest...the one given by the Maine coach was actually rather mild compared to some of the "words of encouragement" I've received before an athletic contest.

Do you think the coach deserved to be fired?

Fired...for Getting the Team Fired Up

2007-02-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

Hear No Evil

2007-01-30T07:02:00.000-08:00

We are bombarded on a constant basis with all kinds of messages, from all kinds of sources. Friends and family members. C0-workers. Television, radio, CDs, and DVDs. Billboards and commercials. Politicians and Preachers. Your own mind, body, and spirit.

If you could tally up all the messages that you receive in a day (which I realize is impossible), what percentage of the messages would you say are positive? negative?

The more I really listen, the more I realize that there are too many negative messages that are sent my way. And I'm learning that if you want to remain a positive, productive individual, you have to learn how to filter out all those negative messages.

Just think of messages as seeds, and your mind as a garden. Whatever seeds you allow to take root in the garden of your mind, will eventually produce some kind of fruit. Fruit can be manifested as an attitude, conversation, or behavior.

Filter out those negative seeds, and keep your mind healthy and pure.

Should Spanking be Banned?

2007-01-25T11:19:00.000-08:00

Check out the article and tell me what you think.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1581853,00.html

I can identify TOO WELL with the youngest person in the picture above.

The only difference is my parents never wanted to break their nails, so other "objects" were used to dish out the punishment.

Though I can't ever remember enjoying the whoopins' I got, I thank God for them (at least most of them)! All of the correction and discipline I received was balanced by a greater amount of love.

As a result, I recognized--even then--that I was not being abused. I was being trained to understand the difference between right and wrong.

What are your thoughts on "corporal punishment"?

Black People are Still Slaves

2007-01-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

I received this email from a friend of mine. It was attributed to a White woman, Dee Lee. However, when you get to her website, she makes it clear that she did not author this piece. Instead, a Black comedian--also named Dee Lee--who has a radio program in NY, is responsible for the article.

In either case, I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the statements made...

THEY ARE STILL OUR SLAVES. We can continue to reap profits from the Blacks without the effort of physical slavery. Look at the current methods of containment that they use on themselves: IGNORANCE, GREED, and SELFISHNESS.

Their IGNORANCE is the primary weapon of containment. A great man once said, "The best way to hide something from Black people is to put it in a book." We now live in the Information Age. They have gained the opportunity to read any book on any subject through the efforts of their fight for freedom, yet they refuse to read. There are numerous books readily available at Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.com, not to mention their own Black Bookstores that provide solid blueprints to reach economic equality (which should have been their fight all along), but few read consistently, if at all.

GREED is another powerful weapon of containment. Blacks, since the abolition of slavery, have had large amounts of money at their disposal. Last year they spent 10 billion dollars during Christmas, out of their 450 billion dollars in total yearly income ( 2.22%).

Any of us can use them as our target market, for any business venture we care to dream up, no matter how outlandish, they will buy into it. Being primarily a consumer people, they function totally by greed. They continually want more, with little thought for saving or investing.

They would rather buy some new sneaker than invest in starting a business. Some even neglect their children to have the latest Tommy or FUBU, And they still think that having a Mercedes, and a big house gives them "Status" or that they have achieved their Dream.

They are fools! The vast majority of their people are still in poverty because their greed holds them back from collectively making better communities.

With the help of BET, and the rest of their black media that often broadcasts destructive images into their own homes, we will continue to see huge profits like those of Tommy and Nike. (Tommy Hilfiger has even jeered them, saying he doesn't want their money, and look at how the fools spend more with him than ever before!). They'll continue to show off to each other while we build solid communities with the profits from our businesses that we market to them.

SELFISHNESS, ingrained in their minds through slavery, is one of the major ways we can continue to contain them. One of their own, Dubois said that there was an innate division in their culture. A "Talented Tenth" he called it. He was correct in his deduction that there are segments of their culture that has achieved some "form" of success.

However, that segment missed the fullness of his work. They didn't read that the "Talented Tenth" was then responsible to aid The Non-Talented Ninety Percent in achieving a better life. Instead, that segment has created another class, a Buppie class that looks down on their people or aids them in a condescending manner.

They will never achieve what we have. Their selfishness does not allow them to be able to work together on any project or endeavor of substance. When they do get together, their selfishness lets their egos get in the way of their goal Their so-called help organizations seem to only want to promote their name without making any real change in their community.

They are content to sit in conferences and conventions in our hotels, and talk about what they will do, while they award plaques to the best speakers, not to the best doers. Is there no end to their selfishness? They steadfastly refuse to see that TOGETHER EACH ACHIEVES MORE (TEAM).

They do not understand that they are no better than each other because of what they own, as a matter of fact, most of those Buppies are but one or two pay checks away from poverty. All of which is under the control of our pens in our offices and our rooms.

Yes, we will continue to contain them as long as they refuse to read, continue to buy anything they want, and keep thinking they are "helping" their communities by paying dues to organizations which do little other than hold lavish conventions in our hotels. By the way, don't worry about any of them reading this letter, remember, THEY DON'T READ!!!!

The Pursuit of Happyness

2007-01-22T06:48:00.000-08:00

On Saturday night, I saw The Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith. If you haven't seen it, GO SEE IT!

This is an amazing story about the life of a man that overcame all types of obstacles and limitations to succeed. Family drama. Limited financial resources. Lack of exposure. the burden of responsibility.

Despite his on-going setbacks at precisely the wrong time, he fights through the challenges to pursue happiness and success.

Here's my take from the movie...I have no excuse. I have been blessed, and have not had to face nearly half the obstacles that Chris Gardner (the main character) had to face. If he can achieve despite his hurdles, I can, too!

Tell me what you thought about the movie...

Is Your Toaster Homeless?

2007-01-19T06:10:00.000-08:00

Anthony finishes up the week discussing how he's approaching the last cluttered space in his house--the garage. I believe this approach applies to any room. (Have a great weekend!)

I have only one final room that requires an overhaul --THE GARAGE!!

1. I have officially defined the purpose of the garage as the storage room for my car.

2. I must donate items that have no purpose and prevent me from warehousing my car in the garage to the local Goodwill.

This does not pain me at all because I donate to Goodwill religiously as a result of this "makeover project". I have cleared out so many unnecessary vestiges of my life because I have accepted the truth that purposeless possessions do not enhance my quality of life but rather subtract from it.

3. I am required to establish meaningful homes for the items I claim are "of value" and "serve a purpose" because this is my duty as tender of my Garden of Eden (home). To buy an item and immediately render it "homeless" by refusing to establish a home for it is not an act of compassion, but rather an act of selfishness and neglect.

I had to own that universal truth and it was hard for me at first, because it was so contrary to everything I believed and had lived beforehand.

4. If you MUST buy something, find something else of similar size, shape, and value to give away to control household inventory levels.

With all of this, I have turned around the kitchen, dining room, living room, bedrooms, bathrooms, and my office/library room.

My household efficiency and my mental clarity and self-esteem have shot through the roof because I find items with relative ease and I have so much more space to claim as my very own.

I have made the trash can, the shredder, and Goodwill my new best friends and haven't looked back ever since.

Just FART Your Clutter Away

2007-01-18T09:05:00.000-08:00

Today's entry was submitted by a friend and brother, Anthony Green. He shares some valuable advice today and tomorrow on how to create habits to help us unclutter our lives. Enjoy...

I have been struggling with clutter from age 1-30! I just got tired of searching for my keys and wallet every single morning.

I began reading plenty of books and magazines (including Good Housekeeping, RealSimple, and Family Circle) to understand the fallacy of my bachelor ways. In these resources, I found some tips on good organizational habits that I could apply to my life.

Today’s tip deals with Handling Paper.

So, for all of you that have piles of paper everywhere, you may want to adopt the FART system. Here’s how it works:

When I receive a sheet of paper, I must either:

1) File it; or
2) Act on it; or
3) Refer it; or
4) Trash it.

The goal is to handle each sheet of paper only once and to get as much paper into the trash as possible.

I went through this exercise everyday for 21 days. I took very small baby steps to remove the bad habit of letting paper lay around and eventually pile up.

Each new habit must be repeated for 21 consecutive days to replace the old bad habit. Apparently, Benjamin Franklin discovered that it took repeating something 21 times before it became ingrained in your brain synapses as a "new habit" or "way of life".

So, stop procrastinating and start FARTing.

How do you Measure Your Life?

2007-01-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

I've been involved in a campaign to improve my physical health over the last few months. I've seen, and felt, the results of my progress. Others can see it as well, and they typically ask, "How much weight have you lost?"

They are looking for a response in pounds. This unit of measure seems to be the universal way to measure physical success. However, I'm learning that the scale is not always the best way to gauge physical health. A person can see the pounds decreasing, but if they do not maintain a proper diet and exercise regimen, they may be more damage than good.

This lead me to think..."How do I measure success in my life?"

Can I measure success in pounds, or dollars, or square feet?

What criteria do I use to assess whether or not my life is successful?

I believe that we too strongly emphasize things that we can quantify. We have mistakenly believed that I can improve my quality of life by increasing my quantity of stuff. Jesus taught that a man's life does not consist of the abundance of things he has.

Endeavor with me to re-focus on the things in life that REALLY MATTER...Purpose, Passion, Relationships, Service.

(It's hard to measure those things with a ruler or a scale.)

HUMAN Resources

2007-01-16T05:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, in response to my question about the MLK Holiday, Anonymous wrote,

What sickens me most about Corporate America is its inconsistencies
regarding human resources (people!). The game of business requires a
stratagem all of its own that degenerates people into disposable
commodities.

For all of us that work, or have worked for large corporations, we've had these exact sentiments. I know that I've OFTEN felt like just another cog in the wheel, another rat in the race. My labor and commitment often seem less important than results and production. My sacrifice of time, sweat, and tears (I ain't shedding no blood!) are overshadowed by the metrics my performance review.

So, if I'm a "human resource", the machine of the corporation is more concerned about me as a resource than a human.

Those companies that you see on the list of "Best Companies to Work For" are clearly doing a better job of treating people like people, and not "degenerating them into disposable commodities."

Your thoughts?

MLK Day: I thought this was a National Holiday

2007-01-15T07:19:00.000-08:00

Government offices, Public Schools, and the Stock Market are closed today. However, most other businesses are open.

Which means...if the office is open, then PEOPLE are working!

I thought that by definition, on HOLIDAYS, people are NOT WORKING!

People in general, and African-Americans in particular, have a variety of perspectives on the MLK Holiday. Some of them have the day off. Others choose to work. While others work just part of the day, and attend some type of commemorative event.

How do you approach the MLK holiday?

Help Wanted

2007-01-12T07:08:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, I am a corportate recruiter. Part of my focus is to help my company identify top-quality DIVERSE candidates for open positions. (Most companies define "diverse" candidates as all non-White males.

With the demographics of America changing, initiatives like this are taking place at companies throughout the country.

I'd like to use the blog as a resource to both publish job openings as well as identify candidates. So, I am soliciting your ideas on the best way to communicate openings to you, as well as create an avenue for you to share your resume with me.

Please use the comments section to share your ideas/questions/concerns.

(When you get a chance, check out my blog entry on Diversity.)

Not Exciting...but Effective

2007-01-11T06:47:00.000-08:00

There are individuals with phenomenal talent in the world. Athletes. Musicians. Artists.

When you look at them, they seem to perform their craft with such ease. Their performance appears effortless.

Well, one thing I've learned is that the key to success--lasting success--lies in a lifestyle of consistent hard work.

Daily practice at whatever you do, whether its knitting or skydiving--is the only way to achieve ongoing improvement.

The problem is, doing the same thing day after day, rehearsing over and over is not really exciting. In fact, it can be downright boring. But if you really want to succeed at what you do, consistent, disciplined effort is the only way to get there. Behind all those who have achieved sustained greatness, you'll find a lifestyle of routine, disciplined practice.

For example, many people waste lots of time and money trying to get rich quickly. However, if you look at most people who have sustained a high level of wealth, they will tell you that the process was long and BORING.

Remember, the road to success may not be exciting, but it is effective.

For those serious about greatness, I think you'll find this article interesting and helpful. (click here for CNN/Money article)

Stop Blaming "the Man"

2007-01-10T06:21:00.000-08:00

I had a conversation recently with a friend of mine, and she was venting about how her company is getting on her nerves. They had the audacity to call her in for a mandatory meeting that was held during her off hours, and not pay her for it. (She is currently an hourly employee.) Simply put, she is tired of working for the Man.

Here was my response:

You can't drive the Man's cars, wear the Man's clothes, dine at the Man's restaurants, send text messages on the Man's cell phones...and not pay the Man.

Now, I do believe this...that you don't have to work for the Man in order to pay the Man. You can work for yourself. But that usually requires more courage, discipline, and hard work than what people are currently giving to the Man!

So, brothers and sisters, friends and loved ones, stop complaining about what the man is making you do. Put yourself in a position where the Man can't tell you what to do!

Any advice for my friend?

Saving the World...Right at Home

2007-01-09T06:31:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a bit philosophical today.

Here's the setting...I am currently working at a large corporation. Making enough money to pay the bills, and stop by McDonalds every now and then. Yet, I feel like there's a whole lot more I should be doing with my life.

Shouldn't I be doing something about this gang situation? Aren't there some non-profit organizations that could really benefit from having someone with my skills and experiences? Couldn't I be doing something that makes more of an impact?

Well, here's the other side of the coin...I am earning an honest living. By doing so, I have put my family--my children especially--in a position where they can get a solid education and observe the reality of getting up every day and going to work.

So I may not be saving the world "out there", but maybe I am contributing to the welfare of the world by building up individuals I'm accountable for "right here".

Rachelle Ferrell used to sing a song with the following lyrics:

"How can we heal the wounds of the world, if we cannot heal our own?
Where does peace on Earth begin, if not in the home?"

Any thoughts on this?

Here's $240 million for the Road

2007-01-08T06:34:00.000-08:00

Recently, the Home Depot parted ways with their CEO, Bob Nardelli. As a parting gift, he received a severance package valued at $210 million. (click here to see article)

Also, click here to see some detail as to how the severance package breaks out.

Please share your reactions to this CEO getting that much money as a result of him, essentially, getting fired.

Denver vs. New Orleans (this ain't football)

2007-01-05T10:56:00.000-08:00

My brother, Dwayne, forwarded this to me. I'm curious to get your thoughts...

WEATHER BULLETIN -- Denver - December 2006 - Christmas

Up here, in the "Mile-Hi City", we just recovered from a Historic event---May I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands.

FYI:

George Bush did not come. FEMA did nothing. No one howled for the government. No one blamed the government. No one even uttered an expletive on TV.

Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit. Our Mayor did not blame Bush or anyone else. Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else, either.

CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snowstorm. Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards. No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House. No one looted. Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something. Nobody expected the government to do anything, either.

No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera. No Shaun Penn, No Barbara Striesand, No Hollywood types to be found. Nope, we just melted the snow for water.

Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars. The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny.

Local restaurants made food and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snowbound families. Families took in the stranded people - total strangers. We fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns, even cooked on the Bar-B-Que (once we unburied it).

We put on extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die". We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we accept that it can happen and understand we have to know how to deal with it ourselves. "In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate." It does seem that way, at least to me.

I hope this gets passed on. Maybe SOME people (Like New Orleans and Wash. DC freeloaders) will get the message. The world does Not owe you a living. The Government and Tax $ are not your insurance company.

In the West, people help people just because we are neighbors and it is the thing we do.

Think about it.

A Is For "Affirmation"

2007-01-04T07:04:00.000-08:00

The Bible says that "life and death are in the power of the tongue". So you can choose to speak life or death into your relationship. Try life and seewhat happens.

I once heard it said that the most important words to a woman are, "I love you." The most important words to a man are, "I'm proud ofyou." If your spouse visibly responds to kind words and praise, they speak the language of words of affirmation. These words cost nothing, but mean everything.

Here are some ideas to spark the romance in your relationship:

Mail your partner a card a day for a week. Mail them to him/her at work, if you can.
Call your love in the middle of the day to say, "I love you and I'm thinking of you. I want you to know I appreciate your hard work and all you do to provide for our family."
Leave love notes in odd places, such as the shower, in the car, in his wallet, or in her purse.
Write a message on your bathroom mirror.

Take advantage of any opportunity to express your appreciation in front of others. When you're with family or friends boast and brag about your mate. Believe me, they'll love you for it. Use your own creativity to come up with ways to shower your spouse with Words of Affirmation.

I'd like to get help from some of our experienced lovers out there...What creative things have you done to verbally or nonverbally to speak words of affirmation within your relationship?

A is for "Attention"

2007-01-03T10:11:00.000-08:00

Hasani follows up today with the second "A" in his AAA advice segment. (For more info from Hasani, visit www.hasani.com.)

Millions of Americans have a AAA membership for roadside assistance in case of driving emergencies. But how many of you have a AAA membership for bedside assistance?

Yesterday we discussed that the As in AAA stand forAffection, Attention & Affirmation. We briefly focused on bringing affection into your relationship. Today we will discuss the power of Attention.

Giving your spouse the attention they deserve is central to maintaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Attention (quality time) is well spent when you focus on each other and are not distracted by other activities. An intimate dinner, time to really listen to your partner talk about their feelings or their day, a walk together holding hands--these are all examples of quality time.

There is a major difference between quality time and proximity. Proximity is physical togetherness with no focused attention on one another--watchingTV, going to the movies, etc. Your time is being occupied by something or someone other than your partner. These examples don't count as quality time.

How do you measure up with the amount of Attention (quality time) you give your partner? Does your spouse exhibit feelings of neglect and loneliness? What can you begin to do to change the atmosphere in your relationship?

AAA to the (Relationship) Rescue

2007-01-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

To start the new year, I've asked my friend and brother, Hasani Pettiford, to grab the pen and share some wisdom around the subject, Relationships. Hasani is a respected author and speaker and I encourage you to visit his website, www.hasani.com, for more information. He writes...

Many of us have New Year’s Resolutions we seldom stick to. After about a month we slip back into a state of normalcy and wind up just where we started. But 2007 will be different.

This year I am dedicating my resolution to creating a 5-Star Marriage through AAA Service. Not the emergency roadside assistance most of you are used to, but the emergency bedside assistance that is required to maintain a phenomenal relationship. Each A in AAA stands for something different: Affection, Attention & Affirmation. All three A’s meet your spouse’s emotional needs.

Today’s focus is on Affection. Quite simply, affection is the expression of love. It symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval. There are many ways to express affection: A simple hug, a greeting card, or an "I love you" note; a bouquet of flowers; holding hands; walks after dinner; back rubs; phone calls; and conversations with thoughtful and loving expressions. All can communicate affection.

Affection is the essential cement of a relationship. We can all use a little more affection in our relationship.

What unique ideas do you have that show expressions of affection?

New Year...New Hope

2006-12-28T08:13:00.000-08:00

James Brown. Gerald Ford. Our own neighbors and loved ones.

Folks who had plans for the New Year, but died before completing 2006.

First, I pray that we all see a pleasant end to this year. However, I hope that you approach the new year with a fresh, new perspective.

A renewed attitude can change everything.

I've learned that most situations won't change until your attitude changes.

Many of us have given up hope on situations that don't seem to be budging. Once hope is lost, you can just about guarantee that you'll be stuck with that issue for a long, long time.

Because once you stop hoping, then your faith is no longer at work. Remember, faith is the assurance, or the confirmation, of the things you HOPE FOR.

No Hope...No Faith. No Faith...No Change.

Keep hope alive! 2007 is going to be an even better year...for those who believe.

WATCH NIGHT SERVICES

2006-12-27T08:34:00.000-08:00

I received this email from a friend of mine. I'm curious to know if someone knows some facts that either support or refute the following information about Watch Night Services...

Many of you who live or grew up in Black communities in the United States have probably heard of "Watch Night Services," the gathering of the faithful in church on New Year's Eve. The service usually begins anywhere from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. and ends at midnight (or shortly thereafter) with the entrance of the New Year.

Some folks come to church first, before going out to celebrate. For others, church is the only New Year's Eve event. Like many others, I always assumed that Watch Night was a fairly standard Christian religious service -- made a bit more Afro centric because that's what happens when elements of Christianity become linked with the Black Church.

Still, it seemed that predominately White Christian churches did not include Watch Night services on their calendars, but focused instead on Christmas Eve programs. In fact, there were instances where clergy in mainline denominations wondered aloud about the propriety of linking religious services with a secular holiday like New Year's Eve.

However, there is a reason for the importance of New Year's Eve services in African American congregations. The Watch Night Services in Black communities that we celebrate today can be traced back to gatherings on December 31, 1862, also known as "Freedom's Eve." On that night, Blacks came together in churches and private homes all across the nation, anxiously awaiting news that the Emancipation Proclamation actually had become law.

Then, at the stroke of midnight, it was January 1, 1863, and all slaves in the Confederate States were declared legally free. When the news was received, there were prayers, shouts and songs of joy as people fell to their knees and thanked God. Black folks have gathered in churches annually on New Year's Eve ever since, praising God for bringing us safely through another year.

It's been 144 (one hundred and forty-four) years since that first Freedom's Eve and many of us were never taught the African American history of Watch Night, but tradition still brings us together at this time every year to celebrate "how we got over".

No man is an Island?

2006-12-26T06:32:00.000-08:00

(I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.)

Who was it that said, "no man is an island"? I'd like to know what he or she meant.

Because sometimes I really feel like an island--you know, a piece of land completely surrounded by water. Disconnected from 'the mainland'.

There are times when I really feel isolated and distant from the rest of the world.

Yeah, we have friends and loved ones that may take a ferry ride over to visit my island periodically. But, at some point, they go home and we go back to being an island again.

Though this isn't the greatest feeling in the world, there are some valuable lessons I've learned...

1. Our feelings are exaggerators. Like a magnifying class, our emotions make things appear bigger than they really are in order to get our attention. So, your feelings about the situation are usually more dramatic than the situation itself. In other words, you feel more alone than you really are.

2. Most people are poor communicators. Most of us are not effective in communicating simple matters, let alone heavier issues like love, pain, etc. Our feeling of loneliness is often a result of not hearing or seeing others communicate love. But despite the poor communication, the love really is there.

3. Alone-ness is not such a bad thing. In fact, as Myles Monroe teaches, until you are comfortable with yourself, it will be difficult for you to make a good friend, teammate, or spouse for anyone else. Until you love yourself, how can you expect someone else to get on their ferry and want to stay on your island?

UN-Happy Holidays

2006-12-22T06:08:00.000-08:00

If you came here looking for Santa Claus, or some "happy holiday" message, you've come to the wrong place.

I don't think I'm a scrooge in any way, but since my posting on Tuesday about gang violence, 2 more people are dead in Monmouth County. In fact, 2 more young ladies (ages 19 and 21) have been shot and killed--leaving their families and friends to mourn during this holiday season.

In an article in the Asbury Park Press, a neighbor of one of the victims made an interesting statement. He said, "the recent pair of fatal shootings is emblematic of a culture too quick to solve problems with weapons."

We've all got problems. All of us have issues. And most days, somebody finds a way to push my buttons. But are those issues so bad, and is the anger so controlling that it drives a person to KILL another human being???

Gang Violence (Day Two)

2006-12-21T06:19:00.000-08:00

With this being such a serious topic, I don't want to leave it just yet.

PLEASE...share your thoughts and pass the link along to others for their comments.

***Click here for yesterday's post***

Gang Violence: What do you expect me to do?

2006-12-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

Asbury Park recently experience it's 7th murder in 2006. (see article). A 21-year old woman was killed by a single bullet to her head.

In most of these deaths, the victims were young people, and the crimes were gang-related.

Gangs? Bloods and Crips in Central New Jersey?

I am really having a hard time understanding how these gangs are becoming so popular in these small towns, as well as the larger cities. Yes, I realize the need for "family" and "community", but I have a hard time comprehending how a person can join a group that is potentially so deadly.

How does this happen and what can we do to protect our children?

Created to Work

2006-12-18T13:49:00.000-08:00

In response to yesterday's posting, Rev_B dropped some serious knowledge (see The Year End Blues).

Including in his list of things that DON'T WORK, as it relates to making changes in your life, he stated the following:

"Remember God knows. This doesn’t mean that God will swoop down and fix everything. I used to think that God would fix everything, but what would that say about us as God’s creation? Creators create things to work; but if there’s ever a need, the creator knows how to make it work again. "

What an interesting statement!

When humans create things, their intent is for the object created to function properly. So, they build, or equip, the object with all the necessary mechanisms for success.

Well, I agree wholeheartedly with Rev_B! Our Creator has equipped us with all that we need to work properly. It blows my mind to think about the systems and processes that have been built into our physical bodies. The automation of our respiratory system. The complexity of our nervous system. Simply amazing!

Well, in addition to our physical composition, I believe we have also been designed psychologically and spiritually to function properly. We all possess some incredible faculties like vision, memory, resilience, and hope.

Remember...You were not created not lose. You were created to win!

The Year-End Blues

2006-12-18T07:07:00.000-08:00

Approaching the end of the year can be a depressing experience. We are forced to reflect upon the plans and resolutions that were NOT accomplished, and this can be disheartening.

"The diet(s) didn't work--and I'm bigger now than I was at the end of last year."

"I started a savings plan, but those funds are depleted and I actually have more debt than I did last year."

"My relationship with my spouse seems to be in the same condition it was a year ago."

"I'm still working this same dead-end job!"

"I really thought 2006 was going to be MY YEAR."

These are very common sentiments. Many people start off the year with hope and fervor, but something happens at some point during the year, and we revert back to our old patterns and habits.

I'm sure you're saying, "I want 2007 to be a better year for me. How do I avoid the tendency to fall back into my old ways of doing things?"

So, I'm soliciting the advice and counsel of our audience...

What does a person need to do to ensure that 2007 is a productive and developmental year?

In the Darkness of the Tunnel

2006-12-15T06:07:00.000-08:00

I know this might be a little heavy for a Friday, but here's what was in my head this morning.

Let's suppose that I told you that you had to go to jail. My guess is that the length of the term would really affect how you felt about the situation. For example, a three-day term would make you feel a whole lot different than a 30-year term. You would probably feel even worse if the term was indefinite.

Here's what I'm getting at...what we know about the duration of a difficult situation has a major impact on our attitude--and consequently our behavior.

We feel better, even in tough times, when we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even though the situation persists, the light provides some sense of HOPE.

So, what's the point?

The point is, too often we live in misery and dispair simply because we don't the light. Hopelessness and complaining dominate our attitude and action.

Well, just because you don't see the light doesn't mean it's not there. In fact, if we would stop sulking and start walking, we'd find ourselves closer to the end of the tunnel.

I'm trying to get better at living in confidence and peace even when there seems to be no light anywhere. I hope you will join me.

Have a great weekend!

Black Face: Ignorance in the Institution

2006-12-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

My friend Yoshi has an interesting experience to share with us. She is a teacher at a high school in Central New Jersey. She writes...

This week is spirit week here at the school.

The other day was "Holiday Day" -- you know, dress up like a holiday. Some pretty good ones are visible --Santa, elves and etc.

Standing at my door, between classes, I noticed one of our young white, male students...in black face.

Now, since I am one of few teachers of color here (I teach Black Literature-which encompasses history as well), this scene really confused me. The school’s other Black English teacher stood across the hall, saw the student, but just didn't seem to get it.

I noticed that taped on the front of his shirt was a photo of a suit. The bell rang, so he turned around, and headed toward class. On the back of his shirt, there was a message taped that read, "I have a dream". He was "celebrating" Martin Luther King, Jr.

Okay. I am trying to come off the ledge, but I call the main office to tell the principal. The secretary upon hearing the words, "white male student in black face" gets my angst. So, they put an APB out on the kid.

Am I wrong?

Clearly, this kid doesn't understand that black face historically was not something that was a positive thing in our history. It made a mockery out of black people. Therefore, my own understanding and knowledge of what just transpired got me riled up.

Did I tell you that that kid walked passed several of my colleagues in the history department? Ask me what they said to this kid...and my response is...listen for the crickets.

I will make contact personally with this kid. He doesn't get it, and sadly, neither do my colleagues.

What do you think about this? And how do you think you would have handled it?

Disaster...or Opportunity?

2006-12-13T06:10:00.000-08:00

Has anyone ever done you wrong? Have the choices that others make put you in situations that are less than desirable?

If so...how do you respond? Do you go off? Or do you pout?

While a negative response might be warranted, it really doesn't do you any good.

Recently, one of my fellow co-workers made a decision that put me a difficult position. Essentially, they left the department for another role. As a result, I was left completely on my own to complete a major assignment.

After the initial shock, I figured I've got two ways to handle this:

1. I can allow my disappointment and frustration get the best of me. I can either kick-off a week long "pity party" or flip out on my former co-worker. After all, SOMEBODY should know how much pain I'm in.

2. I can find the opportunity in the situation. Here's what I said, "OK...I'm all alone on this one. Maybe if I handle this one myself, without complaining, then this situation could be a springboard to something bigger."

I am learning, even at this stage in my life, to be in control of my life and not let the circumstances in my like CONTROL ME.

How do you see your tough situations...as disasters or opportunities?

'Tis the Season

2006-12-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

Lights. Trees. Shopping....Pressure.

Are you feeling the pressure to be a good Santa this holiday season? I mean, what kind of a scrooge wouldn't spend hundreds, if not thousands, on gifts for their friends and loved ones?

I really do believe that the Christmas season should be about giving. The only problem is, people seem to experience pressure to give at levels that usually exceed their resources. Many of us go into tremendous levels of debt in our attempt to be GIVERS. It just doesn't make sense.

It's hard to give if you're broke!

Where does this pressure come from? Is it the commercialization of the holiday? Is it our own ego trying to present an image that we've got it all together? Why do we insist on giving when we really don't have much money to give?

Eating to Live

2006-12-11T06:38:00.000-08:00

I told you earlier that we've been dealing with our Physical Health in my church's "100 Days to Wholeness" campaign. Our instructor, my mother, has really been drilling home a few facts:

1. Gluttony (eating excessively) is a sin. Since there are no "big sins" and "little sins", gluttony can be discussed in the same sentence with adultery, stealing, and murder.

2. We are too sedentary. The nature of our comfortable culture leaves us sitting quite a bit. When we get no physical exercise, we can't help but put on excess weight.

3. Bad eating habits must be broken. Not only do we eat too much, we eat the wrongs things, often at the wrong times.

As I look at these three issues, they are all the result of a lack of self-control. I know that enjoy eating quite a bit, and most of my life has been spent living to eat, rather than eating to live. But if we're going to be healthy people, we need to get back in control!

I hope you will join me in a serious attempt to regain control of our eating and exercise habits. It really is a matter of life and death.

Pay Day

2006-12-08T05:55:00.000-08:00

It's Friday! And for a lot of people, Friday means "pay day".

Time to collect payment for the work you've been doing. (And for the husband of the frustrated wife, it's time to suck your wife dry for all the work SHE's been doing.)

Most people complain about how much--or how little--they get paid. "I do too much work for this measly check!", or "I can barely make ends meet with these pennies!" We tend to focus on our INCOME being insufficient.

But here's what I've learned...our success in our personal finances has more to do with WHAT GOES OUT than WHAT COMES IN.

It's not what you MAKE, it's what you KEEP!

So, before you let all of your hard-earned money leave out the door, make sure that you save some of it. In other words, pay yourself first.

Please use the comments to share some of your thoughts on saving money...challenges, tips, etc.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2006-12-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

The big sports story in New Jersey has been the success of the Rutgers University football team. Under the leadership of head coach Greg Schiano, the team has gone from years of being a doormat to a team ranked among the best nationally.

As a result of Greg's success, he is receiving a lot of interest to leave Rutgers and take a "bigger job" for a lot more money at some of the nation's more traditional football powers, i.e. the University of Miami.

Greg decided not to pursue the Miami opportunity (see article). However, I strongly believe that as comfortable as Greg may be at Rutgers currently, his ego won't allow him to stay there too much longer.

Here's what I mean...

He's been able to turn a perrenial loser into a winner. Rutgers is going to their second consecutive bowl game--the first time in school history. They were ranked this year in the top 10, and beat the then-#3 team in the country.

With all that said, Rutgers...I my humble opinion...will never be a "football school", producing national championships and consistent NFL first round draft picks.

So, Greg's drive, skills, and proven ability to win will always leave him wondering, "if I can succeed here (at Rutgers), HOW MUCH MORE COULD I DO AT A PROGRAM THAT IS BUILT FOR SUCCESS YEAR AFTER YEAR?"

I believe the answer to this question will leave a lot of Rutgers fans very disappointed in the very near future.

What do you think?

Spotlight Chasers or Soldiers for Justice?

2006-12-06T06:30:00.000-08:00

In response to the recent tragedy in NYC where a young man was killed by undercover police officers (see article), the usual cast of spokespeople emerged.

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton were the first on the scene. (And I'm sure Michael "Kramer" Richards can't thank God enough for this incident taking the spotlight away from his debacle).

Whenever there is a news report, press conference, or sound byte about the incident, you are guaranteed to hear something about, or from, either Jesse or Al.

People seem to have mixed feelings about those two "leaders". Often, I hear folks question the motives of these two individuals. People feel that they only show up for "spotlight" opportunities. They appear to be more concerned about themselves than the victims they claim to be helping.

On the other hand, I wonder if the general public would even be aware of cases like this if Al and Jesse did NOT show up. Are these incidents that would swept under the rug if they weren't on the scene, making a lot of noise?

Let me know what you think...

Does Al and Jesse play a valuable role in social justice, or are they just spotlight chasers?

Habits

2006-12-05T06:09:00.000-08:00

We are now dealing with Physical Health as part of my church's "100 Days to Wholeness". Last week in class, my mother dealt with the issue of HABITS, as they relate to our diet and exercise.
We do some things automatically, or involuntarily, as a result of long-standing habits. It amazes me that you can do something so much, that your mind creates a routine that performs that action without requiring any additional thought.

Often, these habits are destructive. They produce results that are not conducive to health and wholeness.

One of the members of the class shared how she was raised to eat everything on her plate. By doing that for years and years, a habit was created. It has taken tremendous effort to resist that habit even now as an adult.

How does a person break an unwanted habit?

Read Two Scriptures and Call me in the Morning

2006-12-01T06:38:00.000-08:00

In the last entry, A Little Advice for a Frustrated Wife, there was considerable commentary on the role of pastors as counselors. Most people took the position that pastors generally are NOT equipped to counsel.

Here's one comment that sums up this perspective,

"seek the counsel of a social worker trained to deal with marital issues. I have sought counseling of Pastors before but sometimes they don't get to the root of the psychological or emotional issues that need to be addressed."

Are most pastors equipped to properly handle counseling in marital affairs?

Should they be?

A Little Advice For a Frustrated Wife

2006-11-29T12:37:00.000-08:00

Given the information provided, how would you counsel a woman in her situation...

I have been married for almost 8 years, and my husband just can’t keep a job! I don’t think he’s held a job longer than a year. In fact, there have been times when he doesn’t work for 12 months.

Needless to say, I work. I have no choice! And I really don’t mind working--but with 4 kids, it is really a strain trying to work and keep up my home. Without a steady income from my husband, I can't afford to pay the bills, put food on the table, and buy all the clothes they need. It's simply impossible.

Since my children are a little older now, I decided to pick up a part-time job to try to help ends meet. But my husband really doesn’t like me working at night. So, that has created a lot of tension between us.

My husband has never put his hands on me, but sometimes I really feel like I'm being abused. He takes advantage of me because he knows that I'm not going to let our children go without.

We have separated a few times in the past, and each time, we get back together to try to make the marriage work. We are both Christians, and we met with our pastor a number of times. All he tells us to do is stay together and work it out. (Not a whole lot of practical advice if you ask me…) We are both very faithful in our church--always praising God. And to be honest, this is another cause for my anger. Even though my husband constantly hears about how a husband is supposed to work and take care of his family, very little changes in terms of his behavior.

What am I supposed to do? I am always stressed out and the stress is starting to affect me physically.

It's In There!

2006-11-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Jesus taught that the mouth is the instrument that expresses the thoughts and feelings of the heart.

Some might approach it this way: It would not have come out of your mouth, if it wasn't in your heart.

I share these comments in the wake of Michael Richards' tirade of racial slurs and insults at a comedy club recently.

But let me ask you a question...

Have you ever said something to a loved one that was extremely hurtful to them? Maybe, "I hate you!" or "I wish I never met you!"?

Did you really mean it? Did you really have hatred in your heart towards them?

BY NO MEANS am I suggesting that "Kramer" does not have some real issues regarding race.

I AM saying, however, that we all need to look at not only what comes out of our mouths, but also what lies in our hearts.

What are your thoughts on "Kramer's" outburst?

God Is On Our Side

2006-11-27T07:44:00.000-08:00

There's nothing like divine assistance. A person, or group, can really be confident when they know that the almighty God--omnipotent and omniscient--is supporting them.

Like the scripture says, "If God be for us, who can be against us."

I've been thinking a lot about lately about divine assistance, and I've come up with an interesting question...

Why is God on MY side?

People can be very arrogant and feel as though they've done something to earn or deserve God's favor on their lives.

Also, our culture (with the help of the media) is very good at 'demonizing' other people. In other words, the message is that we are good, and others are bad. Because we are good, God is for us. Because they are bad, God is against them.

If I'm honest with myself, it's hard for me to say that I'm any better than anyone else. I'm not so righteous that I deserve God's all-powerful support.

And if God's favor is unmerited or un-earned, then who am I to say that God is on MY side and not on the side of my enemy?

A quick story...

Recently in church, someone requested that we pray for our troops in IRAQ. My pastor (who happens to be my father) agreed to do so, but also suggested that we pray for the Iraqi soldiers as well. People were shocked!

He went on to say that human lives are precious no matter what side of the firing line they're on. What makes the life of an American soldier more valuable than the life of someone else? The "enemy" soldier is someone's son, possibly someone's husband and father. Why is OK to kill them, taking the life of someone else's son, husband, or father?

Think about it and please share your comments...

Not Just Gratitude...Thanksgiving

2006-11-22T06:18:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the big day!

A time for friends, family, and lots of FOOD...oh yeah, and football, too.

Most people completely lose sight of the meaning of the Thanksgiving holiday. They are either so busy preparing for the day, or they are so glad that they have a day off, that the purpose of the holiday gets completely lost.

Even those that reflect on God's goodness towards them really don't go as far as they should.

Here's what I mean:

To be grateful is to be appreciative of what someone has done for you. Grateful is something that a person that experience all by themselves. I can be alone in my room, think about something that someone has done for me, and BE grateful.

Thanksgiving is different. Thanksgiving is the outward expression of a person's gratefulness. It is the communication of one's gratitude. So, this communication requires a sender and a receiver. You can't be thankful by yourself. AND, the expression must get to the receiver.

Don't just enjoy the fellowship of family and friends this Thanksgiving. And don't just settle for being grateful.

Take it to the next level and let God and others know how grateful you are by GIVING thanks.

Got Goals?

2006-11-21T10:29:00.000-08:00

I've been teaching recently on Financial Stewardship as a part of my church's program, "100 Days to Wholeness".

The last class I taught was on Budgets. Essentially, budgets are plans that are to help a person, or a family, control where their resources go--instead of being controlled by their resources.

During the class, I made the following statement, and the more I think about it, the more it resonates with me:

If you don't have a goal, you don't need a plan.

I really believe that the reason people don't have well thought-out financial or career plans is that they really have no concrete financial or professional goals.

Yes, many of us have hopes and wishes, but those are much different than specific, measurable goals.

Set some goals...and then develop the plans to help you achieve those goals.

For help with goal setting, check out this article (Creating S.M.A.R.T. Goals).

Happy Birthday to Me

2006-11-10T07:15:00.000-08:00

Today, I am celebrating another birthday, and I thank God for one more year.

Feel free to comment with birthday wishes. (And if you have monetary gifts, I'll give you my paypal account number!)

Enjoy your weekend.

Please Be Patient...

2006-11-08T11:01:00.000-08:00

For those who visit on a regular basis and haven't seen much new stuff, I ask you to be patient.

I started a new assignment on Tuesday and I am getting adjusted.

Keep checking. Now that I know my schedule and I committed to having something interesting posted everyday.

Thanks for your support.

Lee

Can I get a Witness?

2006-11-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

Over the summer, I watched a movie with my wife. Unfortunately, I don't remember the name of the movie (because it was a 'chick flick'). However, at the end of the film, there was a line that has really stuck with me.

One of the main characters stated that all people really want is a witness to their lives.

This statement resonated with me. On a planet of more than 6,500,000,000 people, it is a shame that so many people go through life lonely and/or alone. I am convinced that as human beings we really want our lives to have enough of an impact that at least one other person can testify that we existed on the planet.

I think about all of the funerals I've been to. Some are attended by thousands of people, while at other services, you would think they paid people to attend. I don't want my funeral to be held at a football stadium, but I would hope that there are enough witnesses to my life that we don't have to pay people to come.

I believe that when we are who we were created to be, and do what we were created to do, both heaven and earth have to stand up and testify, "(insert your name) was here!"

Working Like a Jamaican

2006-10-30T07:37:00.000-08:00

Remember the 'Hey Mon' episode on "In Living Color" that poked fun at the hardest working Jamaican family, where most of the family members had at least "three job"? Sometimes, stereotypes like this are funny because of the pieces of truth in them that we can identify with.

Saturday night, I had dinner with some friends visiting from out of town. One of the gentlemen is originally from Nigeria. He came with a friend, also from Nigeria, and her husband--who happens to be from St. Vincent in the Caribbean.

This collection of individuals gave me an opportunity to ask a question that I would like to get your thoughts on:

Generally speaking, do non-American-born Blacks possess a different view of education and work than American-born Blacks? And if so, why?

Relying totally on mere observation, it appears to me that Black individuals that come to the US from either Africa or the Caribbean often take the academic and professional opportunities available in this country much more seriously than the African-Americans born here.

What do you think?

Building People

2006-10-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

In a recent comment, Rev_B questioned the role that Madison Aveune plays in the insecurities we deal with, "This leads me to wonder if whether they are creating the insecurities or merely capitalizing on them. That begs the question, if they are not creating the insecurities, what or who is?"

On Kirk Franklin's latest CD, the lyrics of one song suggest that the religious institution is more concerned with building grand church buildings than they are with building people.

Continuing our discussion of Insecurity, who is responsible for developing young people into confident, self-assured individuals?

Is it the church? the school system? the family? Is it a combination of them all?

What happens when that/those institution(s) fail them?

Secure

2006-10-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

Monday, I did a piece on Insecurity. I am amazed at how many people really don't feel secure in themselves, and don't feel good about themselves.

In my opinion, Madison Avenue--the marketing and advertising 'establishment'--has a lot to do with this. Companies advertise to make you feel like you NEED their product or service to be complete. In other words, you are not really dressed until you wear our clothes...you are not pretty until you wear our make-up...you don't know good food until you've tasted ours.

People base how they feel about themselves on some of the most superficial criteria. (And once again, our capitalistic, money-driven society jumps right in to make a buck.) We are so concerned about how we look, what we wear, and what we drive that we don't even know who we really are!

Here's my question...what should make us secure? What about me should generate self-confidence?

I personally believe that my security should be a product of that which exists WITHIN me.

Tell me what you think...

Insecure

2006-10-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

I played college football at a pretty high level. Penn State Football, despite the recent 'down' years, is respected as one of the dominant programs in the sport. As a result, the team attracts top talent from all over the country.

Many of the student-athletes that come to Penn State are high school superstars. Thanks to the internet, many of their names are recognized by sports fans before they reach their 17th birthday! Then, if they have any success at all at the college level, it is not long before they are household names.

You would think that with all the success, exposure, and notoriety, all of these young men would be confident and secure individuals.

Here's what I've found...often, individuals that APPEAR to be the most confident can actually be some of the most insecure people on the planet.

Sometimes, people that look like they have it all together, really have very little self-confidence and constantly need affirmation from others to feel valued. This is not just true with athletes, but it also goes for entertainers, government offices, business leaders, etc.

I would even venture to say that arrogance and cockiness are often 'fronts' used by insecure individuals to hide their real feelings about themselves.

Do you know people that pretend to be strong and secure, but are really insecure and have very little self-confidence?

Show me the Principles...I'll get the Money

2006-10-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

The last ten years of my professional career has been spent in the financial services industry--either at investment firms or at a financial publishing company.

It was extremely difficult to work all day, interacting with individuals who had lots of money, and then go back to my "community" and see the poor financial state that most of us were in.

As a result, I started a financial principles course at my church through the Community Refuge Education and Recreation Center (a non-profit organization). It is my belief that biggest distinction between the "haves" and "have-nots" is their level of financial literacy.

Folks who don't have money typically don't understand money.

Notice my use of the word 'have'. When I say 'have', I am referring to how much money a person KEEPS. What sense does it make to bring in a boatload of money (income) but have nothing left at the end of the day?

The only way to keep it (so that the money can continue working for you) is to have a good understanding of what money is, and how it works.

Please do whatever you can to increase your financial literacy.

United We Stand

2006-10-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

I have an observation to make...

Just because a group is not divided, it doesn't mean they are united.

Let me say it another way: Though members of a team are not at odds against each other, it doesn't guarantee that they have actually developed into a team yet.

Here's where I'm going with this...I've seen various so-called teams or groups fail to perform at their highest level because they have not created that invisible "gel" that moves them from being a "collection of people" into a single unit.

There's something about unity that makes the whole greater than the sum of its parts.

If I'm going to be a part of a group, then I want the team to be successful. And if the team is going to be successful, then the higher virtue of unity must be achieved. (see Successful Teams)

The Truth is Welcome Here

2006-10-16T06:46:00.000-07:00

In response to my recent blog, Can you keep a secret?, anonymous made a very interesting statement...

Its how you deal with (secrets) will determine the future...Once I found out the secret, we made steps to deal with, and correct, the problem, together. I also realized that my reaction... was going to set the tone in our home, so it was important for me to set a positive, not negative atmosphere.

A person will only expose their true feelings and issues to a person that they trust.

So, if I want the truth, then I need to create an atmosphere that is truth-friendly. In other words, I trust that when I tell you something, you won't flip out or faint.

I remember sharing some challenging things with my parents as a teenager, not know how they would respond. I thought that their response would ultimately result in me having 4 fewer teeth in my mouth.

However, their genuine concern and understanding created a setting that freed me to be honest.

Are you an easy person to be honest with? Do you create an environment that frees your loved ones to share their secrets with you?

Can you keep a secret?

2006-10-12T03:34:00.000-07:00

I remember growing up, secrets were a big thing. The “secret-teller” would circle their hands around the ear of the “secret-hearer” and whisper so loudly that the entire room could hear.

When a person decides to share private, intimate information about themselves with you, essentially they are saying, “I trust you.”

1. I trust that you won’t share this information with anyone else.
2. AND, I trust that you won’t treat me any differently after I share my secret.

In a healthy friendship, secrets can actually help strengthen the relationship. But how about in a marriage? What if your spouse delivered a bombshell AFTER you got married?

I understand why people may keep secrets. Maybe their spouse would never have married them if they knew some of the things that weren’t disclosed. However, to go into a marriage hiding things that could have been “deal-breakers” is really nothing more than lying.

So, why is marriage different that a healthy friendship? Aren’t husbands and wives supposed to be friends that love each other unconditionally?

The difference is…in a marriage, we enter into a contractual, covenant relationship with each other. Your issues become my issues. And I should be able to choose which issues I want to be a part of my life. This can only happen when there is full disclosure.

What do you think… Should there be any secrets when you are married? Or are there just some things from the past you should keep quiet?

Everybody Happy?

2006-10-10T06:47:00.000-07:00

Brian and I worked on this entry. I hope it resonates...

My brother just moved from New Jersey to Tulsa, Oklahoma--roughly 1300 miles away.

Obviously, such a drastic move was a very difficult decision for him. There are a number of people--family members and friends--that have been impacted by the move. And for various reasons, not everyone is happy about it.

When big decisions come up, not only do we consider how OUR LIVES will change, we also try to predict the impact our decision will have on OTHERS.

In my pursuit of happiness, I don't want the decisions I make to impact others in such a way that I damage the relationships that I value.

However, the fear of the unknown impact on others often keeps us from making those difficult decisions.

I know that I'll never make a decision that makes everybody happy. But, how much do I factor in the impact on others when making big decisions for my own life?

Leadership...From Inside the Team

2006-10-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had a chance to chat with Tony Pittman and Phil Collins on Tony's Penn State Football Podcast.

Obviously, we talked about the Penn State Football Team. However, a good deal of the conversation dealt with LEADERSHIP.

John Maxwell, the famous leadership guru, states that "everything rises and falls on leadership."

I agree. The success of teams is really dependent on the quality of leadership--especially the leadership that exists among the members of the team.

It is one thing for a coach, or a boss, or a pastor to "lead" a team from the periphery, but when one of the team members is connected to the mission/purpose of the team, and demonstrates a commitment to executing that purpose, the impact on the rest of the team is undeniable.

There's something contagious about a peer who wants to succeed. It's a whole lot different than a coach/boss/leader telling me what to do.

Think of the most successful teams, or groups, that you've been a part of. Can you identify a real leader among the team members?

When Values Collide (Follow Up)

2006-10-04T08:09:00.000-07:00

In reviewing the responses to my post, When Values Collide, it is implied that when two values collide, then the decision-maker must decide which value is MORE IMPORTANT.

In other words, when two things are important to you, then you have to decide which is more important.

Is that what we're saying?

Is it possible to prioritize, or rank values? What happens when the values are of EQUAL VALUE?

Does being true to one value ever cause you to violate, or compromise, another value?

Another School Shooting

2006-10-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a chance to catch all the details (there have been so many recently), so any information you provide will be appreciated.

Can someone tell me WHY these folks are going into schools and killing children (see USA Today article)?

It is easier for me to understand why people go "postal"--going into their own (former) jobs, and shooting their boss and/or fellow employees.

But I don't understand the reason behind them going to schools filled with innocent young people and teachers. And most recently, the shooter kills themselves after shooting others.

Why can't they just shoot themselves? Why go into schools and shoot defenseless children?

When Values Collide

2006-10-02T06:28:00.000-07:00

I try to live my life based on values and principles. In a world where folks are encouraged to do what feels good, and during times when ethics and morality are situational, I still believe that 'Right' and 'Wrong' still exists. By governing my life based upon certain values, I am usually free to decide and behave.

But what happens when 2 values collide? What happens when there is no clear 'Right' and 'Wrong'?

Let me give you an example...

Value #1: Sunday is a day that I have designated as a day for public worship. This tis the day of the week that I have chosen to attend my local church. Barring health emergencies, I believe that I am supposed to be a part of a local worship service.

Value #2: Parents should have their children involved in extracurricular activities, (assuming they are in good academic standing). Whether it be sports, the arts, or boy/girl scouts, participation in such activities helps our children develop and keeps them out of trouble.

Where I live, many of these activities occur on Sundays.

Here's the conflict: I really want my children involved in activities that help to make them well-rounded, but not at the expense of violating what I believe to be another value--devotion to God through public worship.

You don't have to respond to this particular example, but I'd like to get your thoughts on how to handle conflicting values.

Ancient Text...Modern Life

2006-09-28T18:13:00.000-07:00

Pastor finishes up the week with a follow-up to his last entry...

Yesterday I considered the topic,"Is God's Word Flexible". The comments were interesting--some declaring the infallibility of God's Word, while others keyed in on how His Word is often misused, either consciously or otherwise.

I would like all to consider this follow up question, "How Relevant is God's Word for Everyday Life?"

Are the principles we read in scripture important to one's day-to-day activities?

Should one seek the will of God before making decisions to insure their happiness and fulfillment, or is God's Word just for church folks on Sunday?

What do you think?

How Flexible is God's Word?

2006-09-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

The following is written by a Pastor in his early sixties somewhat concerned for what appears to him as a move to make God’s Word more flexible than it should be. He would appreciate your thoughts and comments.

I am starting to feel what I consider to be a generational gap concerning God’s Word. Over the past several months, I have encountered a sentiment that concerns me. It declares that my happiness is essential and I know how to insure it. And if this means adjusting the Word of God, He certainly wants me happy.

I see some key flaws in this argument...

First, God does want us happy, but He sees both the route and circumstances differently than we do. It is His purpose that brings us happiness and fulfillment. He has plans for us that are greater than our own.

Secondly, within God’s Word, there are certain principles--once rightly divided--that do not change regardless of the viewpoint of the individual or the entire society. Though there must be adjustments to their application due to time and culture, the principle never changes. Living by these principles is key to our fulfillment.

Does God know how to lead us? Aren't His principles essential for our own peace and contentment, as well as the health of our families, our churches, and our communities?

His Word is pure and is intended to bless and provide for each us.

I believe that we must be flexible and adjustable, but never at the expense of God’s Word.

On Purpose

2006-09-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

Pilate therefore said unto him, Art thou a king then? Jesus answered, Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice. John 18:37 (KJV)

Regardless of your faith, the influence of Jesus is undeniable. He obviously had a tremendous impact on the world during his lifetime, and 2000 years later, he is still the focus of one of the world's largest religions.

What makes Jesus such an influential figure?

I believe we only have to look as far as the statement he made in the quote above. Jesus knew his purpose. He knew why he existed. He knew what his assignment was on earth.

Knowing your purpose has tremendous implications. Let me share a few:

1. Your purpose, or your assignment, is given to you by your creator. Inventors create things with a purpose in mind. If we understand this, we would then do a better job of staying connected to our creator--the one who has given us our purpose.

2. Knowing my purpose keeps me focused. I believe that one of our greatest impediments to progress is lack of focus. Many of us live our lives "all over the place" simply because we have not identified what we are really supposed to be doing.

3. Fulfillment comes when we execute our purpose. If our creator has an assignment for us to complete, then we have been designed and equipped with the tools to do the job. When we chase other things for fulfillment (fame, wealth, prestige), we end up tired and empty.

Find your purpose and pursue it. In doing so, you'll find your life.

Derailed by Disappointment

2006-09-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you should be much further along in your life? Professionally. Financially. In your relationships.

I do. And I tend to look at other achievers in my age group and wonder why I haven’t shared the same level of ‘success’ as they have. (This only makes me feel worse!)

For me, disappointment is the emotion that results from unmet expectations.

Here’s what I’ve learned…the feeling of disappointment is not the problem. The problem is when we allow the feeling to keep us from moving forward. Just because I’m disappointed about losing the first game, I can’t quit. I can’t let my disappointment keep me from trying my best to win the next 10!

I’ve also learned that I don’t always set fair or realistic expectations—especially when they are my expectations for other people. Setting lofty goals for another human being is really a good way of setting myself up for a letdown. Truth be told…I can’t always count on myself! I even set unfair expectations for God—creating my own ideas and timeframes for when God is going to intervene in my life.

We simply cannot control what others do…especially not God.

But here are two things we CAN control: where we set our expectations, and how we handle the disappointment when it does occur.

Don’t let disappointment stop you. Keep moving forward. There’s a whole lot more life for you to live.

Bras for 6-year olds?

2006-09-22T06:07:00.000-07:00

When I read this, I just couldn't believe it! Please read and respond.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20380241-1243,00.html

Somebody PLEASE explain to me what is going on!!!

Give me Four Blacks, Three Hispanics, and Two Asians

2006-09-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

Professionally, I've done Diversity Recruiting for a number of years. Large corporations desire to have their workforce reflect the markets they serve, so they engage in efforts to hire individuals that represent the demographics of their customers/clients. To measure their success, these companies calculate the numbers and percentages of women and minorities that make up their total workforce.

However, to achieve their goals, the companies typically hire new women and minorities into the organization at the entry or middle levels. In other words, a company may have a female population that makes up 20% of their total workforce, but more often than not, those females are concentrated in the lower levels of the organization--with very few in management positions.

In my opinion, this model of diversity is superficial and really doesn't benefit the organization much at all. Who needs a bunch of diverse worker bees at the bottom of the organization, carrying out the orders of a homogeneous group of managers?

I believe that an effective model for meaningful diversity includes a scenario where there is diversity of thought at the decision-making level. You've heard the expression, "two heads are better than one". Well, when you have people from different backgrounds, with different experiences all looking at the same issue from different perspectives, then you're bound to come up with a more comprehensive solution.

Companies need to embrace this model of diversity if they are going to succeed in the marketplace that is growing more and more global everyday. Organizations cannot afford to continue functioning with the arrogance that implies, "We'll make all the important decisions and get a bunch of Blacks, Hispanics, and Women to do the work."

While companies must adjust their attitudes and practices, so do individuals, like you and me, that make up the workforce. In Stedman Graham's new book, Diversity: Leaders not Labels, he encourages readers to identify their authenticity as well as the talents and skill they bring to the workforce in order to carve their own individual pathways to success.

"What is most important is breaking through labels and understanding who you are," says Graham. "Realize that everyone brings uniqueness, talents, and skills that add value to our experiences, work environments, businesses, and communities. When you operate from this perspective, you will emerge in the 21st century as a true leader to yourself, to others, and to society."

What’s thine is mine

2006-09-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

Dwayne and I worked together on this one...

I was amazed at the response to the Gift Bag story. You all seemed to get a real kick out of my pain (smile). However, I think that we can generally conclude that there really is a major difference between how men and women perceive certain things. In situations like the gift bag scenario, being different is really no big deal. However, with other issues—like money—the differences can create some serious tension.

In my own personal quest for financial independence, I’ve learned that much of a person’s financial attitudes and behaviors were shaped while they were children. We learned our lessons about money either by explicit instruction, observation, or remained in the dark due to lack of exposure. Whatever we know, or don’t know about money, we bring it all into our marriages.

I don’t have any hard evidence to share, but I’m told that the top 3 “issues” that plague and/or end a large percentage of marriages are money, sex, and children. Clearly, money is a big issue in relationships.

I realize that every house does what works for them, so I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on this…

Christ Died that I Might Bling

2006-09-19T07:04:00.000-07:00

Last week's cover story for Time magazine was Does God Want You to be Rich? Interestingly enough, I am working on the Financial Stewardship piece of my church's 100 Days to Wholeness campaign. So, this article was very timely for me.

The article investigates the church's perspective on personal wealth, and it compares/contrasts the views of the "megachurches" vs. "traditional" preachers.

Does God want you to be rich?

If not, does God want you to be poor?

Ice Cream for Breakfast?

2006-09-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

Welcome my lovely wife, Carmen, to the author's table...

I recently read a book by Leslie Levine entitled, Ice Cream for Breakfast. The main idea of the book is that as adults, we need to break some of rules that we impose on ourselves in order to enjoy life a bit more.

There's a verse in the Bible that states, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

Yes. I believe that we should leave childishness behind us as we mature into adults. But being a responsible adult doesn't mean I need to be stuffy and boring!

I believe that being TOO rule-oriented stifles our tenacity and perseverance when it come to achieving life's goals. Don't get me wrong. I am not advocating that adults break laws or be irresponsible. But I have noticed, as the author mentioned in the book, that our thirst for adventure seems to wane as we age. Rather than exciting us, the unknown makes us anxious. For some reason, we forget to nurture our imaginations.

Live a little. Be silly sometimes. Dance in the rain. Don't wait until you're old and tired to enjoy life's simple pleasures.

I believe, as the author states on the cover of the book, "If You Follow All The Rules, You Miss Half the Fun"

2006-09-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

George W.

2006-09-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

I don't think we've covered the subject of politics yet, so why not start at the top--with the President of the U.S.A.--George W. Bush.

In response to his recent visit to "Ground Zero" in New York City to honor the lives of those lost in the 9/11 attacks, I've noticed that the feelings about our current president are extremely polarized. Folks either really love him, or really hate him.

I'm not a political science expert, so I really don't know the answer to this, so I'll ask the question...

Does one man (or maybe I should say 'person' with Hillary moving in soon) really have the power to fix up, or mess the entire country as President? OR is there a power structure in place that is bigger than a single person?

Let me know what you think...

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2006-09-13T05:23:00.000-07:00

In response to a recent blog entry, kgr responded, "The challenge for me is to determine 'my heart's desires'. I believe, the better I understand my heart desires the more I am able to integrate what I want to do with what I need to do."

Why is so difficult for us to identify our heart's desires?

I think one of the reasons is that the busy-ness and complexities of our lives literally choke or strangle our true desires.

And the demand for our attention is ever-increasing. It seems like everybody wants a piece of us. Advertisers. Politicians. Our jobs. Our homes and material possessions. Our families. Everybody!

We spend so much time and energy doing all this 'stuff', that we find ourselves all grown up--still trying to figure what we should be doing with our lives.

Help me out...What does it take for a person to figure out their heart's desires?

Your Home: A Sanctuary or an Asylum

2006-09-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

I recently attended a Gospel Music Conference and Tye Tribbett was the preacher.

Of the many interesting observations he made, one has really stuck with me. He said that people go to church to praise God and experience the presence of God. He went on to say that, unfortunately, church is the only place that most people engage in these activities.

I don't want to encounter God only at the church house. In fact, even if I go to EVERY meeting throughout the week, that's really just a total of a few hours. As demanding as my life is, that's just not enough.

I need God in my home, on my job, and throughout all the other places and experiences I have in my life.

Do you have a place in your home where you meet God?

I am endeavoring to make my home more of a temple, a sanctuary, a refuge. I encourage you to do the same.

What are You Looking At?

2006-09-11T06:51:00.000-07:00

My daughter is doing a National Geographic exploration project. She is searching for a very rare breed of frogs call tomato frogs. This “wild frog chase” has kept her quite busy—scouring the Internet and calling zoos all over the country. At some point, we will probably travel to Ohio to visit the zoo that currently has the frogs on exhibit.

We were hoping to get the project done before she started school because we know that starting school would bring certain responsibilities that would limit her ability to search for the frogs.

Most of us get so entangled with the daily challenges of life that we never conduct a sustained search for our heart’s true desires.

When you’ve got your head down, with only the daily chores of life in view, it is impossible to find the things that you are really looking for.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that a person should be irresponsible. However, you can't let life’s daily cares keep you from looking up to see that there’s a big, beautiful world of opportunities out there—waiting for you.

Attend Your Child's "Back to School Night"

2006-09-08T01:29:00.000-07:00

Shevaun is still at the helm, sharing more Back to School tips to all those who want to see our children do well in school this year.

One of the critical early events in the school year actually has nothing to do with the students directly—it involves the parents. When parents don’t attend their child’s “Back to School Night”, it could prove very costly.

Back to School Night is an event that allows parents to come in and meet their child’s teacher. Typically, the teacher provides a tour of your child’s classroom, provides an overview of your child’s curriculum and key events, and discusses the expectations and responsibilities of your child’s grade and classroom.

But in addition to hearing some of the logistical information, attending your child’s Back to School Night has some additional benefits:

1. Your attendance initiates the partnership between home & school.

2. Attending this event demonstrates to both the student and school personnel that you are interested in your child’s education. Your absence is a statement to the teacher that my child’s education is not a top priority to me.

3. You get the opportunity to meet the person that will be responsible for your child for 7 hours a day, 180-185 days per year!

Please don’t underestimate the power of your presence at these events. This is ESPECIALLY TRUE for our minority students. A very strong and negative message is sent to our children’s’ teachers when parents don’t think enough to come.

If it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to attend, I would strongly recommend that you have someone else (family member, church member, etc.) attend on your behalf. Again, our child’s teacher needs to know that there is someone who has a strong interest in their academic success.

If we don’t care about our children's success in the classroom, why should the teacher?

Do Your Work on MLK Day?
	Yes - "I got bills to pay."
	Yes - "I wouldn't have this job if not for MLK."
	No - "MLK Day is just as important as 'Presidents Day'."
	Yes and No - "I work, but also take time out to honor him."

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Should married couples share a joint banking account?
	Yes - We need to be on the same page.
	No - We need to maintain some individuality.
	Yes and No - 1 joint account and 2 other separate accounts
	Another idea - Add a comment

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