"Why do so MANY black successful men marry WHITE WOMEN?"
Interestingly enough, just a few days ago, I met an African-American medical doctor who was shopping with his daughter. It was very clear that his daughter was the product of a bi-racial union.
In other words, "a White woman got another one of the good Black men."
Have you ever heard this statement? Whether it's athletes, entertainers, or corporate executives, seeing "successful" Black men with White women seems to leave a bad taste in people's mouths.
So I've got two questions today:
1. As the commenter asked, "Why do so many successful Black men marry White women?", and
2. Why is it such a problem?
11 comments:
How are defining successful? Because I see a lot of "unsuccessful" black men with white women. In fact, i'm seeing more and more black BOYS with white girls these days.
I dont know if there is a clear answer as to why black men & white women are together. It is happening more often these days, among 'successful' men and 'everyday' men. (We should define what successful is).
I know that we are being bombarded with images, in the media, that affect our thoughts and perceptions of people. The media makes stong attempts to define what beauty is, and isn't.
Some say that black women have attitude issues, while Latino and White women treat Black men better.
whatever the reason, it will happen. I am not bothered by it. There are beautiful women in every ethnicity.
Have I ever told the story about my Asian Indian experience???
I don't believe that success has anything to do with it. I believe it is just an attraction thing. There are many successful black men married to successful black women. I think that if you dislike inter-racial dating/ marriage it just sticks out to you more than others.
As they say "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder". Some guys like fat women, some guys like skinny women, some guys like tall women, some guys like short women, some guys like long hair, some guys like short hair, some guys like black women, some guys like white women, some guys like Hispanic women and some guys just like women period...
It really isn't a matter of success. It is a matter of what you are attracted to, are you going to marry a black woman just because you feel obligated to or are you going to marry someone who makes you happy(regardless of national origin/color of skin/race).
I think if eveyone chose there mate according to what made them happy the world would be a much happier place...
Peace
Hmmm. Everyone has been so diplomatic. I'll be the outlier and say that the reason so many black men prefer white women is because we, as black women, aren't valued. Black men date white women because they perceive them as being "better" than us. You can twist it any way you want by saying, "I'm colorblind" (which usually means I'll date anyone BUT a black woman), or "Black women treated me bad or weren't attracted to me." Whatever the canned reasoning, the bottom line is that every race of woman is preferred over us. I see specials about Latina women and Asian women; how they are taking Hollywood and the fashion worlds by storm. Mainstream acknowledgement of their beauty and wealth. You won't see that for us, unless it's on BET. Of course, when the mainstream do acknowledge beautiful black women, it is often Halle and Beyonce, both light-skinned women. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of both. Also, don't think I'm angry, hurt or bitter. I'm just a realist. Having a Black women on their arm does not "add up" as much as if they had a white or someone other than a black woman. Of course, I'm generalizing. Sometimes you just meet someone who happens to be of a different race and you hit it off. Of course that happens. But I'd bet the bank that 9 times out of 10, the black men you see with white women ONLY date white women. I just wish they would admit it.
People may marry individuals that are from different cultures, but they still are connected to others that have similar VALUES. If you look at the demographics of those who have achieved a certain level of financial or professional success, there aren't many non-White people in those circles. Which means that any Black person who makes it into certain socio-economic circles is completely surrounded primarily by White people. The CEO of Merrill Lynch, Stan O'Neal (a Black man), is not partying every weekend at house parties in the 'hood. In fact, he probably met his wife (a White woman) in college at Harvard Business School.
Think about your spouse. They probably came from the same financial/economic background as you. We've got to look at the demographics of the social circles that these (financially) successful Black men are a part of.
Bravo...Malik...
Ms. Anonymous, I think your point about:
"I see specials about Latina women and Asian women; how they are taking Hollywood and the fashion worlds by storm. Mainstream acknowledgement of their beauty and wealth."
is much deeper than you think. You are starting to see along with everyone else the power of the Latin and Asian Communities in America. It has nothing to do with recognizing Latina and Asian women in mainstream media or beauty.
I see Malik's point, but most of the single Black women I know are extremely well-educated and financially successful. But, the brothers they work with aren't "checking" for them.
And thanks to anonymous for pointing out the power of different cultural groups. But I still think a lot of it has to do with them being deemed as "safe" to be considered exotic and beautiful.
Malik,
Thank you for your perspective. It helps me make sense out of some things that I haven't understood for a while.
When a brotha has "made it", he doesn't just want the material status symbols (cars, homes, stock portfolio), he also wants a TROPHY WIFE. That wife doesn't have to be White, she just has to represent a higher socio-economic level than he came from.
I also believe that there are very few Black women in those circles (higher economic levels) that have marriage as a priority. They are driven, busy, skeptical, and focused. In other words, they are not looking to be anybody's trophy, and they are not looking for anything, or anyone, to get in their way. Can you say Oprah?
I'm reading all these philosophies, but nobody is answering the second question - why is it a problem? It is a serious problem because our black children need fathers. Not only do they need fathers, but they need role models, people in positions of success, influence, and power that look like them. AND by choosing to have wives that DONT LOOK LIKE THEM makes a tremendous statement. In fact, it makes two tremendous statements. The first statement--especially to our black boys--is that when you achieve a certain level of success, you abandon the community that pushed you to greatness. You leave the mother and grandmother that nurtured you, the church that prayed for you and inspired you, and the coaches and teachers and barbers that instilled wisdom in you. The second statement--made indirectly to our black girls--is that you are not present in the "picture" of success! Not only does society make it tough for you to get there on your own, but when you look at what success looks like, there are very few black female faces.
The problem is the mind-set of people, the ignorance of people and the hearts of people ~ what happened to the heart of God?
Every race has a lower economic and/or social level but people put more emphasis on the black race (man). There are many successful black women and frankly, some of them are checkin' for a white mate. For the most part; we all breath the same and bleed the same (we don't bleed white, black, light skinned, dark skinned, olive). If people would open their minds and their hearts there really shouldn't be an issue.
I happen to be a black woman and I will date and/or marry a man that loves God and treats me well (it doesn't matter if he is white, black, olive, etc.). His heart has to be right and we have to have things in common (that doesn't mean that because a race is different you don't have things in common), really a relationship should be based on the fact that you love God and each other ~ that can come from any race. It can just equal a compatability between 2 people; why does it have to be more and why is it only projected toward the black men when women are doing the same?
I do not know why my Black BROTHERS do this but I love my BLACK SISTER, I have dated most of the races and none of them come close to my Black sisters.
DOC
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