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Mommy, What Color Am I?

With the increase of interracial couples, it makes sense that there has been a sharp increase in the number of bi-racial children. (See entries on Black Enough? and Jungle Fever)

Two consenting adults have made a decision to be together, and to love each other despite the personal and societal difficulties. However, by having children, they have also decided (whether actively or passively) to expose their innocent children to a very unique set of challenges.

One of the major challenges is the idea of identity. Yes--all children ask the "Who am I?" question at some point in their lives, but for a bi-racial child, the question takes on additional complexity. "I'm not Black, I'm not White, I'm not Chinese, I'm not Mexican, etc."

Living in a society that simply wants to label and categorize people doesn't help, either. Some of the terms that are used to describe bi-racial individuals are not exactly flattering: Mixed, Half-breeds, Oreos.

What counsel would you give to the parents of bi-racial children? How would you address the issue of identity?

(I'd like to recommend a good book that deals with this issue directly, The Color of Water by James McBride.)

The Picture of Success

Yesterday, in response to the posting, Jungle Fever, Antoinette made the comment,

The second statement--made indirectly to our black girls--is that you are not present in the "picture" of success! Not only does society make it tough for you (Black females) to get there on your own, but when you look at what success looks like, there are very few black female faces.

That phrase, the PICTURE OF SUCCESS, caught my attention. Here's why...

Vision is so important. There's a verse in the Bible that states, "where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint." In other words, if I don't see life better for myself in the future, then it really doesn't matter what I do now. I don't need to make investments in my future because, no matter what I do, life isn't going to get any better for me.

In my opinion, there are three primary groups that help us create our vision: our faith community, our family and friends, and the media.

Unfortunately, much of what we embrace as the picture of success is shaped by the media. And when that is the case, Antoinette is right--there aren't a lot of Black female faces in those pictures.

Nevertheless, I am still on strong believer that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for what you accept as true. As adults, we can't continue to blame anyone else for the "realities" that we embrace.

In fact, you have the ability to create your own picture of success, and ensure that YOU are securely positioned in that picture.

Jungle Fever

In one of the comments on the entry Black Enough, the question was asked,

"Why do so MANY black successful men marry WHITE WOMEN?"

Interestingly enough, just a few days ago, I met an African-American medical doctor who was shopping with his daughter. It was very clear that his daughter was the product of a bi-racial union.

In other words, "a White woman got another one of the good Black men."

Have you ever heard this statement? Whether it's athletes, entertainers, or corporate executives, seeing "successful" Black men with White women seems to leave a bad taste in people's mouths.

So I've got two questions today:

1. As the commenter asked, "Why do so many successful Black men marry White women?", and

2. Why is it such a problem?

Black Enough?

At a recent debate, Senator Barack Obama was asked if he was "authentically Black enough".

Without any introductory comments, let me ask...

What does it mean to be Black? And how "Black" do you have to be to be "Black enough"?

Wanted: Winners

There's an old expression that states, "you are known by the company you keep."

The people that comprise your "community" speak a lot about who YOU are. Of all the people in the world, these are the individuals that you have chosen--whether actively or passively--to associate with.

Let me be clear before you jump to conclusions...I don't believe that any one person has more value than any other person. Nobody's life is worth more than anyone else's. And finally, I believe we all have the responsibility of loving our fellow human beings.

Having said that...I hate being around losers!

(I see that got your attention.)

Let me share my definition of a loser: a person who has accepted, and possibly even embraced, a state or condition that is beneath their ability, potential and/or destiny.

I'm not talking about people who can't do better. I'm talking about people who have CHOSEN not to do better!

I am looking to work with, live with, play with, and pray with, individuals who want better for their lives--and are willing to do what it takes to make it happen.

Is it in you?

Casting Call

I just recieved an interesting email from a friend. It contained the following questions:

If a movie were to be made about your life...

Who (name of actor/actress) would portray you?

Who would portray your spouse/"significant other"?

Who would portray your best friend?

I am really curious to hear your responses on this one!

Good Medicine

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

I am driven to live a meaningful, purpose-driven life. In order to do this, I realize that self-discipline is necessary. Too often, Comfort and Procrastination have kept me from aggressively moving forward in my pursuits. But clearly, with these two forces at play, it is impossible to live an abundant life. As Frederick Douglas taught us, where there is no struggle, there can be no progress.

With all that said, there still needs to be balance. I have found that IN ADDITION TO drive, and hunger, and discipline, THERE ALSO NEEDS TO BE peace, and laughter, and a cheerful heart.

A cheerful heart is good medicine. Laughter and fun are as important to our health as persistence and discipline.

Pick up a funny movie, go to a comedy show, or just look in the mirror for a few minutes. But cheer up and laugh a little! You’ll feel a whole lot better.

Have Lunch with God

Good Morning family. My friend and co-worker, Crystal, has the pen today. This entry is from an experience she had yesterday. Share your thoughts...

Hey Guys,

I thought I would take a minute to tell you about my Lunch break today.

This morning, I was stressing myself out about things that I don't have any control over. Worry became the center of my attention and I was becoming unproductive at work. I was actually starting to feel physically sick, growing weary, and was losing my faith by the minute!

I usually don't take a lunch break, but I knew today that I would not make it through the day if I did not get away from my desk. So I decided to go out for lunch.

I got in the car and called my fiance' to vent to him. He said all the right things and did not want to join my pity party. Second, I called my Mother. Again, she said all the right things and did not want to join my pity party. The devil was growing stronger and I just figured they didn't understand where I was coming from! But little did I know that God was using them as messengers to tell me that everything would be all right.

When I was left with no one but myself, God decided to have lunch with me! Boy, did I feel blessed! He spoke right to my heart and gave me a renewed sense of calm, understanding, and most important - a renewed faith! He also explained to me that what I was worrying about is actually a blessing and the devil was trying to steal it from me!

By the time I got back to work, I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of my chest. And the Holy Spirit told me to share this with the people I care about.

~ Our God is an Awesome God and You can accomplish anything with Faith. ~

Where are you?

Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming? Your body is physically in a certain place, but your mind is clearly somewhere else.

Possibly, you were thinking of some problem in your life. Or maybe, you were imagining spending time with a loved one. You may have even been remembering an event that happened, not just in a different place, but at a different point in time.

What amazes me is that those thoughts can actually evoke emotions. I can be in a quiet work environment, but if my mind wanders to a funny experience I've had, then I may burst out with laughter...despite my current locale.

With that said, I guess it is possible to THINK ABOVE MY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Here's what I mean: I mean be here, but my mind can be anywhere I want it to be.

In fact, I'm starting to believe that unless my mind goes places, then my body will remain stuck in its current state. (Some people call this vision.)

Keep your mind free. You'll be amazed at where it can take you!

Frustrated

I know it's been a long time, but the muses have returned...

Frustration is an amazing thing. It causes some people to pack it in, and quit. For others, high levels of frustration serve as an impetus for change and adjustment.

I believe that the difference between the two groups of people is their level of hope. Where there is no hope, frustration prevails, and the individual resigns him/herself to being a victim. However, for those that have hope, those that believe tomorrow can be a better day, frustration is not a killer—it is a motivator!

I actually believe that God intentionally frustrates our lives. I believe that, at times, God manipulates circumstances in our lives to make sure that we never get too comfortable in any condition. See, there’s a natural tendency among humans to allow comfort to keep us from moving forward, to keep us from becoming the vessel we were destined to be. When things start getting too comfortable, it seems as though God "stirs the pot".

Don’t let frustration make you quit. If necessary, make the proper adjustments and allow your frustration to push you into your destiny.

Keep Hope Alive!

So much to Say

It's been a long time since I've posted to the blog. A lot has transpired, and fortunately--a lot has changed for the better.

Stay tuned, I'll be sharing some pretty heavy stuff real soon.

Thanks for checking in.

Online Auction: Penn State Football Legends

As an extension of our silent auction at the Blue-White Scholarship Breakfast, we have a number of items up for auction online.

Click Here to visit the view the items.

Our Drug Problem

I think you'll enjoy this. If it is true, then my parents were some serious "drug" dealers.

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"

I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young:

I was drug to church on Sunday morning and I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flowerbeds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.

~author unknown~

Enjoy your holiday weekend!

See Ya!

In response to my posting on Decisions, anonymous dropped the following comment,

"I finally realize I married the wrong person. I made my decision off of
romance (Fantasy). Reality is coming to light and now I realize I have
become what I am supposed to be and my spouse is mad cause we can't live in Wonderland anymore. I can't satisfy my spouse's emotions nor her dreams. What can I do to get out of this bad decision? everyone in the real world says
she is killing me and my family. "

It sounds like someone else is trying to end a marriage.

I am becoming extremely disturbed by the number of marriages I see ending in separation and divorce. I don't have the time to research the statistics, but I don't think we need the statistics. Each one of us can just look around at our own personal network of friends and family and see examples.

Let me say this: I've been married 12 years now, and not one of those years has gone by that where I didn't want to pack my bags and roll out. And I'm sure my wife would say the same. I think any honest husband or wife would admit that such a sentiment comes up every now and then.

Marriage is tough. So tough that you'll wanted to quit and say, "It's just not worth it!" Marriage is arguably the most difficult of all human relationships. It's not just about fantasy and romance. It's about commitment and sacrifice...and endurance.

So yes, I am a strong proponent of whatever it takes to make our marriages work. No, I don't think anyone should remain in abusive relationships, but I think, as a culture, we've gotten real soft as to what we call abuse.

Find a way to make it work so that both parties are excited again about the relationship. We owe it to ourselves, our children, our communities to make our marriages work.

Fasting

Every year around this time, Christians engage in the practice of fasting in observation of the Lent Season**. The purpose of denying one's physical needs is to help recognize and address one's deeper spiritual needs.

Fasting is not a practice unique to Christians. For example, Muslims throughout the world fast during the month of Ramadan. In the Jewish faith, on Yom Kippur, considered to be the most important day of the Jewish year, fasting is mandatory for everyone of age.


It's not about dieting...it's really about mindfulness. By restraining oneself from normal daily activities (eating, watching TV, surfing the Web), the person frees him/herself to think about--and communicate with--God.


What are you thoughts on the practice of fasting? Have you, or do you, engage in fasting? If so, was it an effective exercise?

**Lent is the forty-day season of preparation for the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The season begins on Ash Wednesday and ends on Easter Sunday. Sundays in this season are not counted among the days of Lent. The traditional reason for this is that fasting was considered inappropriate on Sunday, the day commemorating the Resurrection of Jesus.

Decisions, Decisions

I was reminded recently of my inability to make decisions.

Whenever I'm criticized, I do some introspection to see how true the criticism is, and what adjustments I need to make to address the potential issue.

In this case, I started my examination with a visit to the dictionary. Here's what I found regarding the word "decide"...

To decide is to make a final choice or judgment about, or to select as a course of action.

The etymology for this word is important. The word derives from the Latin decidere, which literally means "to cut off" (de- + caedere: to cut).

If I'm getting this right, to decide is to select one course of action, and in doing so, cut off all other options.

Maybe that's my problem: I like having options! I like choices! Good decision-makers, however, are able to cut off less desirable options in favor of the one they feel is best.

My dad would often say, "You can't have (save) your cake and eat it, too." In other words, either you eat it now and enjoy it, or save it to enjoy later. You can't do both, so make a decision!

I guess I've got to get better at cutting the options that aren't the best option.

Are you a good decision-maker?

Purpose and Eternity

With all the junk that gets transmitted via email (like Sinbad dying), rarely do I come across one that I feel comfortable sharing with you all. Here is one...

This is an incredible interview with Rick Warren, "Purpose Driven Life", author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California. His wife now has cancer, and he now has "wealth" from the book sales.

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:

People ask me, what is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body--but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.

God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain.? But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72. First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)? When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.

That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

What's Your Excuse?

This thought came to me last night in prayer.

Why haven't I gone back to get my master's degree? Why haven't I gotten control over my eating habits? Why does the balance in my savings account look the same as it did last year?

What's my excuse?

Being the intelligent person that I am, I probably have some pretty good excuses...

"The timing isn't right." "It's not my season." "I've been focusing on a number of other CRITICAL issues." (Any of these sound familiar?)

My cousin once told me that, "Excuses are the tools of the incompetent!"

I realize that some things take time. And I also realize that there are only 24 hours in a day.

But I also realize that excuses won't get you any closer to your goals and dreams.

So, stop making excuses and start taking action!

Black Hair

Thanks, Dwayne, for passing this along.

Please share your thoughts and have a great weekend!