I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I am currently working on a video project about Fatherhood. (see Personal Responsibility)
I am exploring the impact that growing up without a father present in the home has on a person as they grow up and have relationships of their own.
There appears to be some situations that can clearly be linked to not having a father present in the home: girls grow up and seek love from men that take advantage of their vulnerability; boys grow up to be "just like their daddies", and make babies across town without taking any responsibility for them.
On the other hand, though, I've seen folks who grow up without fathers and do just the opposite. They grow up to be super parents, vowing never to have their children experience the same pain that they endured.
I'd love for you to share your observations and experiences on the following...
How does not having a father growing up impact a person in their relationships as an adult?
10 comments:
My experience has been varied. For a while there was very little father and then no father, and then a step father who was not a good example at all. Through all of that there was a lot to see and learn from. I thank God that he gave me the mind to learn from my experiences. I could have adopted those negatives instead of learning from them and making them positive influences in my life. I made the negative things a catalyst for me NOT to do them. Throughout those years of my life there were also 'other' men who took me out and men that I saw and wanted to be like. I saw them funtion in the home with a solid family and, being young, wanted that to be my environment. The atmosphere in that place was a very positive one. I was very familiar with the negative, fearfull atmosphere, and the alternative felt much better. I just thank God for His hand in my life, and giving me the mind and outlook that He did, even though it wasn't a positive, solid, nuclear family.
The people that benefit, now, from my valuable education are my wife and children.
As a woman, I would like to respond to your question. The only father that was in my house was my mother! I think the impact of NOT having a father in a daughter's life growing up is if not equal too, but greater. Daughter's look for role models, protectors, and providers. Who to be one of the best example but her father. Now, like me, my father was not present and I was blessed to learn responsibilties from my mother. I felt for my brother but even he learned to adapt. Even though my father was not around, I would still look for him to provide in some kind of way. But it rarely happened. It wasn't until I went away for college that my father decided to really be apart. By then, I am thinking you are 15 years late. I still welcomed his help only because no matter how he was not there, he is still my Father. I just decided that I will not look for his support but if it is given, I will take it. So, now I have high expectations for the father of my children. I want them to have what I didn't. And thanks to God, they are getting just that and more.
http://www.americancatholic.org/Messenger/Oct1996/feature2.asp
I recently went to the funeral of a dear friend that died too soon. One of his friends read a very deep poem. It was the words of the deceased which he had spoken to someone in a conversation before he was killed.
In the poem, he mentioned that the absence of his own father made him angry--uncontrollably angry..... He acted this anger out in many ways. I believe that he was envious of all the people around him that had their father presents.
He probably wanted his father present on many occassions...He ran wild like a fatherless child.......No one to check him correctly.
Men today can't be afraid to check all of these 'lil disrespectful kids.....
I understand the plight of not having a father in the house. There were times daddy was there, then stepdaddy was there, then no one was there. However, the question is, what happens when you physically have a father in the house, but not emotionally, spiritually, financially, or otherwise. At times dad was physically there, but for the most part invisible in the lives of his children.
Do we just want a father in the house just to be there? Does THAT make a difference in his children't lives? Should his children be satisfied with the mere thought that he cared for them because he didn't leave them at Grandmama's house?
I have seen both the good and the bad from a products of a fatherless home. I have seen more guys equally doing drugs or anything negative in the limelight that had a father as well as those who didn't have a father at home. But I think it's more of an indiviusal thing as well as the environment. Often times people who have SHELTERED lives as kids are the ones who really grow up and "go wild." I was listening to Judge Mathis the other day and he was dealing with a father who wasn't supportive of his kids. Judge Mathis stated, "statistics are now showing that kids who dont have a father in their lives are the main ones overcrowding jails and doing everything that is negative." I dont see how though. People tend to say that the father figure is always the one who does the disciplining in a household however shouldn't a mother be able to do that as well. My bestfriend's father died when he was 6 years old and my dad has been his father figure. My dad wasn't in his household but my dad was there for him when he needed that fatherly advice or role. Why is it not addressed that people can or should seek for God to fill that void in their lives? We sing the song often times that Jesus is my mother, my father, my sister, and my brother...or whatever but do we believe it? I can't really comment because I haven't been to that place in life. But let me close with this cause i can ramble on and on...but statistics are indeed showing a negative view on people who grew up with out father figures, BUT REALISTICALLY mothers are fathers and it's an indivisual thing as to what influences or factors a person's life on how they will be when they "grow Up"
As who longed for a "A Father" for years I would like to respond.
Is there a Father in the House? Of course there is!! There always is. Whether or not we choose to acknowledge God as the father of the house... he is. Even when the physically, emotionally and financially detached male being is there….. God (our father) is in the house.
I am a product of a "Single Parent" home. NO physically I did not have a father. I saw a woman do a lot of things a man should have. Now I realize it was only through the strength that God had given her that she was able to do so. We all have had a provider and protector (which..might I add are the primary roles of a father).
Yes, I agree!! We all long for someone we can touch, see and feel. However, that is not everyone’s course in life. Now I challenge you…....ask God (your heavenly father) to touch, hug, lead, provide, advise, and protect you. He will!!! We can not change our past and we don't know our future; however our attitudes is the answer to life's questions. We may not be able to touch him, we may not be able to see him and sometime we may not be able to hear him……. but he has done a phenomenally awesome job as a father. He has brought all of us this far. So yes, there is always a father in the house!!!
P.S. If we read and listen close enough we can hear him resolving all our relationships issues also.
I am the wife to a husband who grew up without a father most of his life and still can not find him. I thank God he has been the type of man who has made that decision never to leave his children. For observation purposes only I have noticed in him certain things he has had to learn to overcome because of not having a father. He was never taught how to have fatherly love toward his children and has worked very hard to have patience and shower them with love, and he was never taught how to properly discipline them and had to learn this as well. I thank God for giving him the perfect example and for many Christian books out there that are such great help. I truly admire my husband for all of his efforts, hard work and devotion to me and his children.
Hi I am doing some personal research for myself as i want to have kids, but i don't want a relationship to come with it and wanted advice on if it's the right thing to do. I know who the father will be and if he wanted to see the child that's fine too but I don't want to be in a relationship is that fair on the child?
I am a 23 year old male, raised in a house hold with two woman my older sister and Mother. My father was not present in my life until i was 5 years, he then left when I was 10 but not before introducing me to my two elder brothers. The absence of my father only started to become a CONSCIOUS issue when i reached 16. I feel that not having a father figure around led me to search elsewhere, I began gauging my characteristics on particular high profile figures; Rappers taught me how to be hard, aggressive and a predator, Soul and R&B gave me that sensitive affectionate side; etc. Even to this day I judge myself on how I think I should as apposed to who I am, which I'm still learning. My eldest brother looks a lot like my father, and he is whom I most go to for deep fatherly advice.
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