Brian and I worked on this entry. I hope it resonates...
My brother just moved from New Jersey to Tulsa, Oklahoma--roughly 1300 miles away.
Obviously, such a drastic move was a very difficult decision for him. There are a number of people--family members and friends--that have been impacted by the move. And for various reasons, not everyone is happy about it.
When big decisions come up, not only do we consider how OUR LIVES will change, we also try to predict the impact our decision will have on OTHERS.
In my pursuit of happiness, I don't want the decisions I make to impact others in such a way that I damage the relationships that I value.
However, the fear of the unknown impact on others often keeps us from making those difficult decisions.
I know that I'll never make a decision that makes everybody happy. But, how much do I factor in the impact on others when making big decisions for my own life?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
Does your brother have kids and a wife?
Did he leave them behind? How come this move affects the family? There's not enough information here to clearly give my imput at this time.
Anonymous,
Since this originated out of conversation that I had with Lee I'll repond to you. I'll respond first to your question. Yes, he has a wife and a child who are both with him. I'm not sure how that helps you better respond to this post since the question is not specifically about him, but about how we make decisions in life based on its impact on others. The question would work the same with a different illustration. While he may be find your viewpoint useful, the brother moving to Tulsa is not looking for advice. This question may work better if you personalize it and think about a decision you have made or have to make that others who you love and have been given influence in your life have been impacted by.
In saying that, I do get the sense through your response that you may use priotization as a strategy in making a difficult decision like this. Feel free to respond.
-Brian
Having recently relocated my family from NY to TX, I can relate to having to make a decision that may not make EVERYONE happy.
I viewed it this way:
There was absolutely no way that EVERYONE was going to be happy. However, we all had to consider the long run benefits. Why? Because, in the end,I would not feel good about making a short term decision in support of a loved ones happiness that jeopardizes their ability for long term happiness and success....or that jeopardizes my ability to play my role in providing them with the benefits they may need to be happy in the long run.
Put another way...my daughter would be happy to have chocolate cake for every meal. She'd love it....for awhile. Then, once the negative impacts started to show up over the long term, she would certainly not be happy.
The same principle applies to other decisions. Think about the long term outcome and evaluate the options based on that. Change is difficult, and in the beginning you can bet that not everyone will be happy.
Thanks for the clarity. I suppose each of us makes decisions that impacts our loved ones. I don't think I would make a major decision in my life without seeking guidance from family, friends, counselor and Pastor but in the long run after the advice -- the decision is ultimately up to ME!
I agree with Lee and Brian -- we can't please EVERYONE -- that's never going to happen.
I am seeing a counselor on a regular basis because much of who I am has been about trying to please others when it came time to make the "hard call". I would say to family and friends, get behind your love for your loved ones. I understand the fear of the unknown -- but at what point do we stop trying to predict everyone's reactions in the choices we make? It's consumed me so much I am in counseling learning how to establish healthy boundaries.
I appreciate this discussion. There's so much I am taking away from it!
Anonymous,
Your experiences highlight the challenges that surround claiming independence, but also caring about others. I affirm your decision to seek counseling. I myself have experienced internal turmoil when dealing with the pressures of pleasing others and wanting to think independently and choose freely and I realize how mentally and emotionally challenging it can be. Thank you for your imput and I wish you the best in your journey.
Thanks for your support. It has not been easy. I have a loved one in my corner who made a decision to up and leave when we were not in agreement. Family and faith sustain me. I haven't made any concrete decisions in severing ties with this person because I am praying for an awakening. However, when it comes time to make the "hard call" I'll be empowered because of the same thing that sustained me in good times -- Faith and family!
Get behind the brother...and get ready to visit Oklahoma!
Brian, congratulations on your move. The family members that seemed to be affected negitivly will come around. They love you and want the best for you. I'm sure in time their understanding of why you moved will become clearer. And what your thoughts were concerning the move is what's important since it's your life. Their love will prevail in overcoming the feeling of change.
Actually it is my other brother who moved, but thanks for the support.
I myself often consider how the decisions that I want to make will impact the ones I love. My considerations of them, however, has caused my life, happiness, and success to stagnate as a result. I am currently wrestling with a very difficult decision that will have a huge impact on my family, possibly negatively. However, I believe that through prayer and continued supplication to the Lord, He will sustain me through whatever difficulties arise as a result of my decision.
Our chief priority in life should not be "happiness," but for God's will to be done and that our purpose be fulfilled. So when we have prayed and tried our best to discern God's will, and WAITED FOR THE COUNSEL OF GOD BEFORE WE PROCEED, we can confidently make a decision even if it doesn't make everybody "happy." A television personality once taught a lesson on decision making and he listed 3 important factors to consider when trying to make a decision:
1) God's Word, 2) your peace and, 3) the circumstances. I have found these to be helpful.
I had to move 3,000 miles away with only one friend to count on in order to walk down the road that was set before me. I left everything and everyone that I was familiar with. It wasn't easy, especially during times went I felt lonely and yearned for my family. I knew that I had been directed by GOD and I knew that I would connect back with them at some point. I would present a better person to them and in turn be able to equip them with what I had learned on the journey. Because I followed God's plan, it all worked for the good... family, friends, education, and career. Sometimes I think we don't trust that people do hear a call from God to move and the move is seen as a lack of love, concern, or selfishness (leaving my brother was one of the hardest decisions I had to make and the guilt of feeling selfish haunted me constantly). But one thing that I realized 15 years later and still 3,000 miles away, is that my relationships with my family are far deeper, closer, and healthier than ever. I can see the results in all of our lives because I listened very closely to the voice inside. They are more of a priority and I see them more frequently than I did when I lived near them. The mother and brother that I left have new lives thanks to God and the decision I made to "travel that road". My suggestion: If you love someone Trust what they believe they hear. If it was a mistake, open the doors when they return, tell 'em how much you love and missed them, then have ice cream for breakfast the next morning.
Awwww black butterfly..
thats sweet..
Sista Elliott
Post a Comment